Short story about duct tape

I ran out of contacts and my glasses were just snapped in half. Duct tape is holding my glasses together.
My car broke down in Canada. Duct tape is holding my car together.


If Adia cracks her skull I will post pictures of her with duct tape on her head.

Under the Sea

The only camera I have is on my computer. (I had a digital one, but Adia + sand + camera = broken. ) So Adia was being adorable in the bath and looking so clean and rosy that I wanted to take a picture I drew it instead. I'm going to pull out some of my acrylics for Adia's next birthday.

Adia <3 mermaids. There's a story I read her at night about fairies combing mermaids hair. When we get to that page, we have to stop and talk about the mermaids. And the baby mermaids. And the bubbles. And the mermaids, and the mermaids, and the mermaids...

It's gotten out of hand. I showed her "Under the Sea" and "Part of Your World" and now whenever I say "Under the Sea," she echoes me. She has a newly discovered love of her garage sale $1.00 Ariel heels.

Yeah, mermaids wear high heels, trust me.

So here is my guilty pleasure.

The Little Mermaid was my first Disney movie experience. Like the rest of my peers, there was nothing I wanted more than to be a mermaid and to sing. I would have sold my parents for it. My older sis and I would have competitions on who sang more like Ariel. My brother (our judge) would declare one the winner. The loser would physically attack the winner and the competition would have to start all over again.

I am finally Ariel. I get to sing these songs to Adia (with my high pitched lisping voice) and she looked at me with her big brown eyes that say, "You sing like Ariel, mommy."

99 bottles

So I've had a rough week and it's the weekend so I'm going to drown my sorrows in a bottle.
I love carbonated water. My $1.27 addiction.

Flavored pop is for weak lazy babies who need to have a delicious taste presented to them. They need their cola to jump on their tongue shouting "I'm a cola! Aren't I awesome?" These babies probably have allergies to wheat and the color yellow just so that they can avoid eating oatmeal. Well guess what, Spencer, they make gluten free oats now.
Man this is some strong stuff.
hmmm...... *reading bottle ingredients*
...carbonated mineral water... Natural lemon flavor!?!

I need to buy another bottle, and see the bishop.

tough crowd tonight

I'm sure everyone has something they want to be complimented on.
I always wanted a guy to gaze into my eyes and say, "Chrissy, you are the funnies girl in the world."

I can't get Spencer to laugh at my jokes.

"Urrg! Why haven't you thrown away the pictures of your innards! everytime I look on your desk they are staring at me unashamed."
I figured telling him that his medical pictures should be ashamed at their nakedness would make him laugh but no.

Finally one day I gave up and entered "poop" wherever I could. he now laughs without fail.

doing great at pitying myself

My grandparents had 13 kids. It was my grandpa's goal in life was to have over 100 grandkids. Though my relatives multiplied like rabbits 100 was not reached, but there are a lot of us. I decided tonight that I would actually comment on some of their blogs though I doubt half of them would know what I am. Sadly with it being 3 am I managed a lot of "cute's" with exclamation points.

Sorry about that.

Not sure if it's Bellingham, or me, but I get a lot of people yelling at me. Today I was called several naughties for dropping off a package in the post office drop box. The man was upset that I didn't wait in line to have a mailman take my package. When a customer tried to explain that I was in the right, he started swearing louder. I'm so glad I don't work at the post office in December.
I actually get this a lot.
Overhearing me talk to my sister a guy said I sound like a duck, another eavesdropper said I have no taste in music, and a couple of times recently I have have guys tell me that my boobs aren't big enough.
I must have a sign around my neck that says,
"Please tell me what you don't like about me because for you, I will change. Seriously your opinion matters to me. because you, man with mullet, mother dressed in daughter's clothes, or gay man with secret crush on my husband who puts me down whenever he sees me, I am helpless without you."
Though I'll put up with the crazies if it means I get to live next to this.

Now I better cough up some more blood.


oh and I forgot to post, Spencer has a flash story published go read it for free here.
http://www.flashquake.org/nonfiction/how-to-tell.html

I'll aleep when Adia gets up

My grandma made me a quilt ten years ago. When she made quilts she would get all her fabric from bargain bins. This one has Frankenstein heads all over it, it's my favorite.

next best thing

My computers camera told me that if my life was a comic book it would look like this.
One thing I am thankful for is that my family has never held the tradition of going around the table and saying what we are thankful of. I feel like I need to state the obvious, I'm thankful for child, husband, family, my computer...

While I home I heard an argument with lil sis and my mom...
mom: I need you to do some chores when you get home from scho-

lil sis: (livid that my mom would ask such a thing) Do you think I'm going to want to do chores after I've been at boring school all day?

High school is rough.

I got my hair fixed. The stylist blended the chop into layers. I feel pretty like a wedding cake!

you and who's toothbrush

I was brushing my teeth after Spencer had put Adia to bed.
Here is a picture of me.
Anyway while I brushed my teeth I noticed Adia's toothbrush out on the counter after Spencer told me he couldn't find Adia's toothbrush. What is he talking about, I thought, it's right next to mine.....

Wait a minute....

Which one am I using?


I know this has happened to me a lot.

WARNING may contain swears

In hish school I had this annoying little rhyme my cousin and I would do. I would ask, "What's up, buttercup?" The usual response was "not a lot apricot."
Every time I asked my friend Tony, "what's up, buttercup?" his response was, "not a lot ass face."

dancing with my self.....so lonely

Adia is 100% girl. I tried to get her brown boots, she would have none of it. She wanted bright pink with fur trim.

My friend showed up with a ballerina costume and shoes. Adia is in love.
WARNING: The video is loud!

nightmares

Big Sis: Chrissssiieee?
Me: What!
Big Sis: Can you sleep with me?
Me: No!
Big Sis: You can wear anything of mine tomorrow...

Me:...fine.

I had to sleep on the outside so that I would be captured first.
So that is how my my night went up until my sister was in tenth grade. Then my little sister was big enough to protect her and I was no longer needed.

My older sister is terrified of aliens. My siblings and I were obsessed with watching Unsolved Mysteries, which meant that my older sister continued her fear of ET. Although my dad would chase us downstairs to ensure Big Sis would sleep, we would peek through the railings and watch as aliens tormented humble folk with their googly eyes.

Big sis is still afraid of aliens now, mixed with a fear of Ted Bundy.

Me, I'm terrified of spinal cords. Last night I had this creepy dream that I was laying on top of a spinal cord. I woke up sweating and sighed. What a relief. It was only a dream. It wasn't until I woke that I realized it was not a dream and I slept on one all night. Gah, it creeps me out there is one inside me.

hoop dreams

I was hanging out with my cousin Elliot this weekend. At a farmer's market here in Bellingham, I picked up some balls and started juggling.
Elliot: remember when you juggled Uncle Richards billard balls.
Me: no
Elliot: Yeah you did and one hit you in the mouth and you started bleeding.
Me: oh now I remember!

Later that day I hula-hooped longer than anybody in the world. I am full of talent.

we will just be watching a movie today

Text in movie:
Ode to my hair
When someone says to name my best feature
I say my hair
It's not pristine or full or $30 shampoo
It's usually very messy
I love to curl it
braid it down the back
pig tail braids
my favorite, fishtails
and braiding it around my head
I even like it straight

At 3pm Saturday Nov. 8th
I had it "trimmed"

my beautiful hair, you will be missed


Music:
Samson by Regina Spektor

weight coming off through optimism

Spencer: Chrissy my belt feels tight! . . . I'm just gonna assume it's muscle.

smack down

There is this person who through the election have butted heads with.
They are very pro McCain and I like Obama.
So when the election was over I called and told them sorry their candidate lost.
They responded with, "People voted for Obama because he is black."
I've been hitting my head against a wall all morning because of that.

I don't think McCain is evil but if Obama had McCain's past he wouldn't have made it past Hilary.


What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?

What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?

What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe
disfiguring car accident?

What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while
he was still married?

What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain
killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five?(The Keating Five
were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major
political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s
and early 1990s.)

What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?

What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included
discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?

What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on
many occasions, a serious anger management problem?

What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?

What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

Educational Background:

Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in
International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters -journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in
the land as well as our standing in the world.

Hulk knows about music

I found this beautiful hoodie. Charcoal green with gorgeous stitching. There were more than ten on clearance and this was a Lucky brand (they are normally devoured, especially one on sale.)
Sadly there was a large "Rolling Stones" printed on the back.

"errg," I tell my sister. "Why did they put Rolling Stones on the back? No one listens to them."
"My husband and I love Rolling stones," interrupted a crazy woman. "They are classical music, classic rock. Anyone who doesn't like them doesn't know anything about music."

Had my name been Bruce Banner I would have turned green.

now for a funny story.

My little sister was about three or four when she lovingly carried her goldfish around the house. Her toddling rocked the water and the poor fish soon flopped out onto the floor. Screaming in sheer horror, little sis started stomping on the fish, assuming that water was a drug laced pool which sedated the demon fish who, now on dry land, would seek revenge. The fish did not survive.

NOT DADA

Last night Spencer held Adia while I was trying to plug something in. Adia cried, "not dada, MAMA!"If anyone wants to make me this toy for Christmas you will forever be my BFF.

I'm trying to get Adia use to the idea that one day we will start toilet training. I showed the sign for toilet, I talk about it and I read her books. The books make me cringe. I hate saying potty, wee wee and poo poo. For some reason every book I've read had the idiotic child putting the "potty" on their head as a hat and ending with the tot triumphantly bringing the beloved "potty" filled with the joyous site of poo poo and wee wee to the parents.

Sadly when it come to the actual training I will probably put the mini toilet in the corner surrounded by newspaper, "Theres the poop bucket, and don't you go bringing it to me."

Trannya Heartblow

I was babysitting today. The 5 year old wanted to play dress up and she names herself Princess Trannya Heartblow of Wishblow.
It goes along with my 7 year old dream of having a pony named moonshine.

The other day I found my dental floss case broken and Adia licking the ball of floss inside. She's like a puppy with opposable thumbs.

Music

Could Zooey be any more darling?
I need more music. I'm listening to classics again like Clash but I need something new.
Recently I've been listening to Cold War Kids, Iron and Wine, Spoon, Radiohead and the Frames. These are the same bands I've been listening to for at least two years! I need some new stuff so please post some bands for me to look at or re-visit. (Nothing too hard even Thrice is hard to listen to after a day of whining baby.)

grandma's tats

I had a dream my grandma who has been senile for almost ten years (Wondering Wanda) lived in a rough Hispanic district in the city. She had tattoos of Link, Megaman, Samus Aran (metroid), and A big one of Princess Peach. I complimented my grandma's tattoos and admired that she waited to get them since they wouldn't fade or wrinkle. The dream ended when my grandma's neighbor cross-dressed as a woman and read bedtime stories to her.

Today Adia picked up Spencer's cookies and threw them on the floor.
"Adia these are sacred!" he tells her. "They are not to be touched by mortal hands."
"How do you eat them?" I ask.
"Angel's feed them to me," he says.

To clarify a couple posts back... Spencer did not work over the summer because he was studying for comps. Spencer and I joked a lot about him being a deadbeat. It paid off he passed his comp. exams hooray Spencer.

Fantasy into reality

Spencer has been wanting me to dye my hair red. He tells me: "I've always liked red hair and you can call me tiger like Mary Jane calls Spider-Man."
"Maybe you should recreate my fantasy," I tell him. "And provide for us."

oh this is fun

This was a lot of fun to play
http://www.crappycat.com/

POST 100 and it's AWESOME

I was studying for my lesson to teach the teenage girls in my class. Suspiciously, the other teacher was sick. I say suspiciously because it was the most ridiculous lesson.
The subject was fine--keep your standards high, don't misbehave, but in the manual there was a list of us vs. them types of examples to share The last of the opposites was Astrology vs. Astronomy, with astronomy being a gospel principle.

I'd like to bear my testimony on the gospel truth of astronomy. I know Galileo was a all into that star stuff and he was really cool. For all of you that have dappled in astrology there is still hope you may come back.

(The lesson went fine. I ended up talking a lot about using Christ as a standard for loving everyone, but the next time I look up in the sky and see Leo I'll be calling my bishop.)

I like paperclips Gladys

Sometimes when I am mad at Spencer I want to post about it so I can get responses like,

"You poor girl. I want to vomit I am so annoyed with him right now. You are completely justified keep this grudge till he changes everything about himself into the perfect person."

Sometimes when I want to let my frustration out I wait till he is asleep and hit him with a pillow.
Then I giggle and sleep well.
Stupidly once I told him.
Last night I got smacked hard with a pillow to the face.
So to end this pathetic fight I will post some things I like about Spencer.

• Spencer is very passionate about writing and music. I've always liked that he has been very driven.
• Spencer loves food trying new food, especially making food and he does an excellent job at cooking.
• Once as a Valentines day present he organized my closet. His gifts are very thoughtful.
• Spencer likes to be outdoors but also going to plays and orchestras.
• He has big shoulders which make him look all big and strong. I think he is very hot.
• His chin looks like Dudley Do-Right but his smile looks almost demonic.
• Sometimes he will even watch cartoons with me. Isn't he nice!?

You disgust me

Spencer was feeling guilty about his candy dependency.
" I was just thinking," he told me, "If I could see the mound of candy I've eaten in the last year, I would be so disgusted with myself I might eat less.

"But then I concluded I would probably just eat it again."

Tim Burton

What do these two have in common?

For the most part Tim Burton's followers are intensely fanatical. It feels wrong to say I like Tim Burton movies because since there are some I didn't like (Mars Attack) and there are some I didn't see (Sweeney Todd), am I poser?
I do enjoy watching Burton movies.
Big fish is one of my favorites so I am very excited to find out that he is making Alice in Wonderland.

Titty Twister

So PETA asked Ben and Jerry to use breast milk instead of cows. Supposedly. I don't believe it, but when I was breastfeeding last year I thought of what I would name breast milk ice-cream...
It would be called titty twister and there would be chocolate boobs with marshmallow filling.

Talking dirty

"DON'T DRINK THAT! IT'S ADIA'S. "
I screamed this at Spencer last Sunday when he drank from Adia's water bottle.
It's almost fascinating watching a 1.5 year old drink. The amount of debris that goes back in it almost double what was taken out.
You can swirl the once water and watch the crumbs that almost look like star clusters.
It wasn't until three hours after I finished it did I realize I drank the whole bottle that I warned Spencer about.


Also last Sunday I had a note past to me by one of the girls which only had "poop cheese" written on it.

when is it too far

My sister invited a couple from her church over for dinner.
After the meal my sister asked if they wanted to start on dessert.
The couple looked at each other.
Wife: well.. we were wondering if we could share a spiritual thought.
They then proceeded with a prepared talk and ended with music they brought on a CD.
"I guess I should have seen it coming," my sister later told me. "When we ate at their house we went around the table saying what we were thankful for. Each one of us said our spouse and our family. I thought about doing a one up and mentioning the church and God..."
"It would only end in blood," I assured my sister.

Head of Skate

Who wants to see this movie with me, Head of Skate.

No signing!

So Adia doesn't need a cast. I'm pretty happy but I did want to doodle all over it.
She broke her arm when she fell half way down our stairs. The doctors are amazed at how she won't slow down. I spend the whole time in the waiting rooms chasing her around, which is why they never suspected her to have a broken arm. Only a week later, when I took her in again, did they give her an x-ray.

On the positive side now she will know what an x-ray is when we read alphabet books.

More stories about my study abroad in England.
We went to Oxford where J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and Lewis Carroll lived and wrote. There was a cathedral with stained glass windows depicting scenes from Alice in Wonderland. On the way home I asked a girl what she saw.
"We went shopping. We spent most the time at the Gap."

grrrrrr

For over a week I've been in the most rotten mood.
If I posted it would be posts like how I really hate people waving.
So in honor of my sour mood I will post about boarding a plane.

Spencer and I were on a study abroad in 2005. Most of the students we went with had never left Utah, so you can imagine the unbridled stupidity that followed. We were in Ireland where they announced that they would be boarding mothers with children first. It was all in English, however, my group pushed past, mothers trying to herd their children while nauseatingly singing "I'm proud to be an American."

The group would do things like invite people into their flat and wash their hair. They would spend more time in the gift shops than the museums. Buy ten or more garish key chains for 4 pounds each, to give to their poor friends and family back home. on crowded tube and metro stations they put their luggage on the seats leaving commuters to stand.
Most of the time I felt like I was following Sesame Street's Twiddle Bugs.
My group is the reason Europeans have a rude stereotype of Americans.

I'm so much better

I was hanging out with my friend Sara and we were talking about our school experiences. Sara was a complete dork. She liked to wear a cloak, and play rpgs and <3 anything to do with dragons. "I was picked on a lot," she admitted.

"I was kind of a bully, " I told Sara.

"I can see that," she told me.

I was opposite. When I was in the 5th grade there was this girl I picked on so much I made her go home crying nearly everyday. (Years later when I was apologizing the girl told me it was everyday but I think she was exaggerating.)

I wanted nothing more than to be popular and my plan of action at the age of 11 was:
1. Be blond and pretty
2. Make fun of anything that isn't superficial
3. Pick on any girl who is not your BFF
4. Marry a football player right out of high school

My agenda for the 5th grade was to get the other kids not to like this girl. I remember this conversation I had with my BFF:
Me: "You shouldn't like ____ because I don't"
BFF: "Why ? She never did anything to me."

Her response was a slap. I was so embarrassed by my behavior. It was as if she pointed out that I was wearing a fanny-pack and stained sweat pants when I thought I was wearing designer jeans.

I trashed those ideas and did what I wanted. I wore Value Village and Nordstrom, I was in drama, the school newspaper and watched Super Friends with my BFF. I didn't try to put others and myself into a category.

When Spencer asked me to read Super Throne of Dragon Fighting Song by George R.R. Martin, I thought 'okay' when the 5th grader in me screamed "NOOOOO that's a nerd book! You want to be cool! You can still be cool!"

It was a frustrating book. Like crack: very addicting but bad for you cause your baby can starve in their crib while you think 'just a minute kid, Arya has been captured (again)'. I got half way through book 3 and the author just lost it. He killed off two characters which completely throws out some things I was excited to see happen.

I'm done.

The 5th grader in me told me not to read them and I didn't listen.
Tomorrow I'm going to Hollister and can someone please tell me what Gossip Girls is all about cause the 2nd season has started and I think I'm gonna start watching it.

Sorry this post is so long but one more note.
I asked Spencer "Why did you have me read this?! You knew it would just tick me off! I justed wasted so many hours on it."
Spencer: "I just wanted you to understand me."

Biff

I'm house sitting two cats. One is named Biff who lives in the house and one was dropped off who was only named fatty fat cat out of lack of a better name. I think naming fat cats Garfield must be copyrighted. Biff hates Fatty and this is the conversation I picture them having.

Spencer informs me that this isn't really funny and no one else would probably laugh at it. I'm still laughing and that's good enough.

I still don't have a camera. These pictures are taken with my computer camera. It doesn't do the fat cat justice. This cat is huge.

Stop pestering the birds

Every playground harbors an behavior insurrectionist. (look I can use big words!)
Like the people who tell children not to chase the birds. I understand overly bulky birds like peacocks , chickens or turkeys who cannot fly well, but what child could hurt a raven or seagull? I'm sure they are annoyed about being chased away from the picnickers, but really, how many times have you seen this? Once there was a boy throwing sand down at the ground. He was fascinated with the rocks that would sink into the sand and some that would bounce. A mother (who only had girls) saw the boy and followed him around saying, "We don't throw dirt."
Well, yes, maybe you don't throw dirt but he does, and he's really enjoying it.

Dream Issue

So Spencer has been reading to me while I work on craft projects.
He's always wanted me to read George R. R. Martin's, Throne of fire and ice raven song dragon dance. That's not the name, I don't remember it and I don't really care to, because that's not important. Spencer disagrees. He likes to use his superior useless information to ask me things like which movie Admiral Acht-barr is from.
So last night I had a dream that I was a character in the book.
I was a character named Aria. I was trapped with an evil Count.
Hot Pie (a character, not an actual pie, though there needs to be more pastries in my dreams) rides in on a Pegasus and rescues me. I ask the pony "How did you know to rescue me?"
"I am enchanted, " says the talking Pegasus. "A sorceress made it so that I am cut whenever I need to go help someone."
I notice now the scars all over the horse's back. "Which one is from me?" I ask.
"Which one looks the most painful?" the Pegasus responds
I notice a gash with lemon wedges stuck inside and figure that one must be mine.
I totally didn't care, Phfft, walk it off talking pony-bird.

Food Post

I was reading in the other room, Adia came up to me with a big smile holding her hands out for me to receive what she held. She wiped her vomit into my hands, smiled and walked out.
I didn't know she had thrown up and it was really gross thst she wanted to share.
This morning Spencer caught Adia feeding her breakfast to her doll.

pepe

Somehow my grandma managed to get a hold of the ugliest doll in the world. he looks like poop with white pants. More specifically like a rejected E.T. doll dipped in gloss. He use to have a sombrero but that was lost in the move.

When my grandma was put into a nursing home my dad found it amongst her many dolls she would fix up and give to "the poor kids." I put that in quotations because that is how she worded it.
My dad and lil sis have a tradition of placing the doll in where the other will unfortunately find it, In my dad's top drawer or on lil sis's night stand watching her as she sleeps.
Each morning while I've been staying at my parent's house my baby will pick up pepe and give him a hug.


Family photo minus Spencer.

Ear Candy

Spencer: I hate when I see a movie and the characters are nothing that I pictured.
Me: Yeah like when you read Tyrion in the George R. R. Martin books. You make him with such a whiny voice. I guess that is probably closer to what he would sound like. But I still picture him looking like that sexy dwarf from LotR.
Spencer: Yeah... that worries me. When you think Gimli is hot, I wonder how I compare.

My sister and I went to Kinder Britches today and after buying head bands we found adorable tights that were too much money. After coveting, we gave up and started to leave.
The store owner stopped my sister and handed her a pair. "I went into this business to make people happy," she says. She handed me a pair too.
I can't explain how elated I am. As we were walking away my sister realized she forgot the plastic dress up jewelry she bought at the store. We decided it might be bad taste to go back and ask for it.

Ponies ponies ponies

squeel! Everyone, we need to get a herd of these going soon!
I haven't been this excited since my own child started walking

No this is more exciting.

words that hurt

So many problems from words. For instance I thought I wanted to see The Spirit cause Will Eisner is classic but Frank Miller, yuck. I finally saw a trailer and my head hurt the story looks like a lonely middle school kid wrote it.
My dad recently had a problem with words.
My parents and I decided to take a walk to Country Village a tacky farm craft tourist trap in Bothell, so that Adia could see the ducks. There was a little girl with tiger face paint on. My dad points out "Hey look, a Tigger!" Referring to the beloved coffee lovin pooh charter. Instantly my dad cringes on the choice of words. The family who are of African decent, do not smile and my dad is hoping they didn't mishear him, "Um.. nice face paint," he tries to save.

I kissed my cat and I liked it, he got fur all over my chapstick

I won't read Sandman cause a lot of the art is so bad and I can't finish Tellos cause the writing is so awful. Spencer is hardcore. He will finish collections of X-men in a day that will take me over a week to finish. I read two pages and I get so annoyed with the ridiculous writing that I have to go look up lol cats or decent web comics like scary go round or penny arcade.
I've never been too fond of the X-men it's difficult for people to write groups well. It's all concept and no character. Joss Whedon pulls it off really well each character is independent of each other. It must be all those years writing for television.

When I was first married my sister in law told me that comics books were a phase and that Spencer and I would grow out of it.
If you haven't seen this site before go to it immediately, go to Galleries and look at Examples of Superdickery.

When I was in college I took a class about getting a job and they advised us that we need to be confident.
I tried my new skills at my nest interview. After a series of questions which I do not remember the answers to she came to the final one, "What would you like to change about yourself." I thought a minute, "Nothing," I said smiling "I like the way I am."
I didn't get the job.

I kissed my cat and I liked it

At church I teach a class for the high school girls.
I try to think back to things in my child hood that would be a good object story; like my brother threw a mouse at me and that's why you shouldn't lie cause it's like the lies are mice and you are forcing them on people who do not want mice/lies on them, or there were the times my brother threw jelly fish at me and that means you shouldn't steal cause those jellyfish did not like to be taken out of their home, or there was a time my brother tickled me till I peed my pants and you shouldn't kill people because their blood will go all over just like pee and they wouldn't like that.

I was thinking about my great grandmother who was a trapeze artist.
.... hmm that's not right. I had never heard anything but I distinctly remember discovering my great grandmother was an acrobat. But my mom's grandma wasn't in the circus, where did that memory come from?
Then I remembered when I was little I was going through my mom's drawer and I found pretty silky lingerie. I figured that it must belong to a beautiful circus performer and since my mom had clothes from her grandma I figured it must belong to her. I ran to my mom and showed her the beautiful costume and asked her if I could wear it. She took it away and I never found it in her stuff again. I figured it was because she didn't want me to run away and join the circus.

I just lost 7 months worth of photos and my camera broke.
I'm an idiot for not backing it up.

this post may include picket signs

Here kids this is interesting.

"Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic growth and the health and
well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions
of girls across the developing world, there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity.
However, the existing research suggests their impact can reach much farther than expected." - The Girl Effect

When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90 percent of it into their families, as compared to only 30 to 40 percent for a man.
(Phil Borges, with foreword by Madeleine Albright, Women Empowered: Inspiring Change in the Emerging World [New York: Rizzoli, 2007], 13.)


The Girl Effect

Since having a baby I have been pumped full of girl power.
With the problems of sex trafficking growing in the World including the U.S. there needs to be more effort in the worth of a girl's life.
Call me up and I can give you very long lecture.

It's never so simple

Adia didn't want to sleep last night. I've been keeping her up too late the last couple of nights, so last night when I got her ready for bed she cried for a very long time.
I called my mom trying to get assurance that everything is okay.

The doom begins.
mom: did you check her diaper?
me: yep
mom: did you check if there was a rubber band on her arms or legs? That's how our dog lost half his ear. Once there was a baby who wrapped a piece of hair around her finger until all the circulation was stopped.
me: that's all right, she stopped crying
mom: Well go check on her! babies can suffocate on blankets and toys!

I would just laugh this off but it does seem like babies have a death wish. I hear so many horror stories from other moms. I try not to let them get to me, I'm already paranoid enough.

Happy Fourth

Muppets celebrate the fourth.

My spanking arm is twitching

No it's not Adia I want to spank, it's the playground brat who shoved her off the stairs. That kid needs a whoopin.
Spencer, Adia and I went to the beach this last weekend. I realized while I was there that I got my swimsuit when I was a senior in high school 6 years ago. I was pretty uncomfortable with that thought and I allowed myself to buy something without feeling guilty.
I was searching on websites and I found this picture.

This picture is a little unsettling to me it just doesn't seem right the body looks 2d with some shines thrown in like some badly photoshopped putty. The girl's left leg especially looks trimmed.
But maybe I'm just fat.





This just picture gives me the shutters.

Every one has one

Adia looks more like her dad each day.
Speaking on family I haven't posted since I've had my family in town.
Lil sis and little sister were leaving, "Don't forget your toothbrushes!" I told them.
Later Spencer and I went to brush our teeth.
Me: Look Spencer, I told them to grab their toothbrushes and they forgot them!
Spencer: eh, looks like they took mine.
Me: Spencer it has to be around here. (I start to look) They took mine too!

The Donald Duck in me wants to get mad but I'm too confused. It's not like any of the toothbrushes looked alike, one was electric.
Their teeth better sparkle with freshly stolen power.

Sweded

I finally got to see Be kind rewind, I had been wanting to see that for a really long time.
Two weekends ago Spencer wanted to rent X-men two, I wanted to watch Be kind rewind it wasn't out to video yet.
I was only in the mood for a comedy so I wouldn't give in.
Spencer searched online for a pirated X-men to watch alone.

Instead, Spencer found this:
X-men made by Filipino kids
And here is another one

So we both won, he got a sweded X-Men movie.

Oh please go check out the website for the BKR movie it's great. They remake the internet

you can make a difference

Spencer hasn't shaved in three weeks and I know what he is doing.
Every Summer he has tried to grow a beard. He won't tell me cause I will protest with pickets. I don't know if you can tell from this picture but he CAN'T grow facial hair.
There are significantly large and frequent bald patches which make him look like a 15 year old who thinks he can pass for 18.
Genetics has banned him and his immediate family from accomplishing this.
Not being able to grow a luscious man-beard has made them fight the harder for this.
They color in and comb over I am not fond of this tradition and I'm stamping his dream here, it's not happening.

Please, email Spencer and tell him to shave.
I've tried to just do it my self but he runs away from me.

ETERNITY................

Spencer: Du dun don dabble diddle diddle dee.
Me: Stop that it's annoying
Spencer: dun dun. How do I make this noise? I'm not even a fiddle.

This is something I deal with regularly.

When my church asked me to teach the girl 16-18 I thought they had the wrong idea. "Are you sure you don't mean 6-8 ?"

After several months I am positive they must have the wrong person. We had a meeting to discuss decorating a bulletin board. (Arrrgh and they wonder why the boys have better turnout to activities) I said unicorns. And in my defense if you do a google image search of unicorns it promises some hilarious entertainment.

It seemed like my ideas were not what they were looking for which is totally fine I just think I was probably in the wrong place. Oh well I get to teach them all my false doctrines on Sundays. This Sunday my lesson is about how turtles use to do baptisms for the dead and the temple is where we play naked basketball.

P.S. I had a friend who really thought that's why people had to have a recommendation to go the temple, cause we play naked basketball.

and that's where babies come from

I went to the park today and a little boy around 5 or six came over to Adia to show her a ladybug he found.
I saw an ash grey ladybug nearby which I thought was a baby. Turns out real baby ladybugs are scary monsters.
"That's not a baby!" the kid tells me. "Ladybugs are first eggs then they turn into a caterpillars and then they get a clitoris ..."
I tried really hard not to laugh.

I can't hear you when you whine

Adia is on full steam with her whining today.
Blessed nap time came only with Spencer interrupting it with, "I FORGOT PAPERS BRING THEM TO SCHOOL NOW!"
Today Adia:
Spilt rice milk on the floor, juice and peanut butter.
Drooled peanut butter on my shirt, wiped spaghetti on another and banana on the next shirt.
Still I could not seem to keep her happy.
Spencer will be in Idaho this weekend so I feel extra frustrated knowing I won't get a break for a full week from now (next week is finals.)
When Spencer got home I handed him Adia and ordered them to play for 45 min so I could be alone.

I'm eating Adia's snack foods as payback.

I'm debating drooling it on her clean clothes but she already got mud on the outfit she is wearing today.

but was it as good as the real thing?

Last night I snuck a piece of chocolate before I started reading Adia's bedtime stories. Adia smelt chocolate on my breath and tried to find the source. When she gave up finding it she stuck her hand in my mouth (it was open since I was talking to her) and licked it.
She tried to do it again but I wouldn't let her
I would have given her own chocolate if I wasn't trying to put her in bed. Anyway, she had yogurt for dessert, which I think, is pretty sweet enough.

Spencer doesn't make sense. Here are my two examples of things that happened yesterday.

Me: Are you trying to eat your lotion?
Spencer: No.
Me: I was talking to Adia, why did you think I was asking you that?
Spencer: I was afraid you were going to ask me it I was eating icecream.

Later that night....

Spencer: I really wanted to spend time with you and Adia. You should have told me to stop playing video games.