Paris is nice

I ran into a friend's mom who told me what her daughter was up to.
"She got into a Hollywood party and met Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears and 'Paris is really nice.'"
At that moment I realized I honestly don't care.
I've had friends run into famous people.
A friend of a friend's uncle is Chuck Palahniuk. My friend got to spend some time with the writer and talk to him about his books. I was very interested in any insider information. What jobs did Palahniuk have that gave him ideas or knowledge?
But essentially Palahniuk is a man I don't think about, unlike Hilton and Spears which are in every grocery isle and slapped all over the internet.
But when someone I know actually met them I realized I don't care about these girls, not even a little bit.
I wouldn't want to met them. I don't feel like anything they do is important.
I didn't have an honest response to the mother's statement. I think it must have been 'neat' and we moved on from there.

But I really wish I could have responded, "Who are they? I've never heard of them."

Giving Spencer what he wants

Adia gets a Sesame Street podcast once a week.
This last week featured Cookie Monster which made Spencer go nuts.
I didn't think much of it cause there are a lot of things that make Spencer giddy and excited. Try taking him into any store he will pick out 4 things he NEEDS and like 10 things he badly wants.
He finds his giddiness over a blue monster hilarious and has asked me several times if I plan to tell his family how delirious Cookie Monster made him.

I'm going to step it up; Here you go Spencer a blog post about your wacky reaction to seeing your beloved childhood icon.

Here is my post:
Adia and Spencer watched a Sesame Street Podcast featuring Cookie Monster. This got Spencer excited.

Experiment outcome; messy

My mom is really into science. Sometimes she likes to do experiments which is why she must have had five kids, so she would never run out of test subjects.
One fine afternoon she offers my sister some hot tea.
My older sister happily drinks up and decides to go to the store with my mother. Once in the store, older sister barley made it to the toilet where she emptied her colon.
My mother finished her shopping and stopped by the bathroom to pick up my sister where older sis was sobbing.
Mom: Ready to go?
Ol' Sis: I *sniff* think I'm dying. I don't know what's going on
Mom: Oh good the tea works.

Apparently it was a cleansing tea.


I think this is why Mormons are suppose to stay away from tea it's so they don't pull theses experiments on their children.

Spencer was drawing pictures of vikings. I told him to draw me as a hot viking girl.
Here is Spencer's drawing. Next to this hobo slob picture is an illustration of a hot viking I created. Clearly I am the winner and superior artist.

Trash Baby

Adia found our trash can.
I really should have figured out that she would try to get into it. She is exploring everything so when I wasn't looking she pulled the trash down finding some deliciously stale rolls that I had thrown out.
She excitedly bit into them and discovering they were rock hard cried for me to make it better.

My baby's first dumpster dive.

Now I hide the trash can in the closet.

The Sex Talk

When I was about 8 my grandma gave my older sister and I the sex talk.

"One day you are going to meet a guy, and you're going to like him. He's going to take you up into the woods. He's going to want to, and you're not going to want to. And if you don't come across he's going to leave you there."

My sister and I still discuss this. What were we suppose to do? Come across or be left? Which was the route she was encouraging?

I think my grandmother may have been trying to get out of work. She made over 100 quilts each year for unwed mothers and would make well over 300 dolls each year for needy children.

Still, come across or not to come across.

Every time I visit my family I feel that I am in competition with lil' sis.
Mom: I think lil' sis's eyes are bigger than yours. Stand side by side. Let me see...oh definitely lil' sis!
Then my mom marvels at lil sis' ability to match colors.
Mom: Look how that blue shirt matches with the blue in her jacket!

I want praise and attention! me! everyone read this blog and tell me I'm funny!

I'm jealous of the girl whose life motto was "I'm Chrissy in training!"

Doppelganger

Spencer and I had two friends in Utah that we always dreamed of hooking up. Since I don't need to tell you their names I'm going to make up names. Her name is Strawberry-pop and his name is Rexalicious.

Strawberry-pop and Rexalicious didn't know each other and were not friends. Both were single.
I tried on several occasions to get them together but Strawberry-pop was one not to be crossed. If she felt like she was being set up on a date, I would probably end up being tied to the ground with a room full of babies. (If this analogy seems a bit foreign just borrow someones baby for a while and let them crawl around by your face. They dig their tiny little nails everywhere, especially eyes mouth and nostrils, and they are remarkably fast to hurt you.)

Spencer and I moved to Bellingham and we found a man who looked and acted remakably like Rexalicious. In fact his name was even Rexalicious. Wanting a Bellingham version of our Utah friend we quickly invited him over. His wife was named Strawberry-pop! She was just like the Utah Strawberry-pop--she loved to watch horrible TV and knew it was horrible TV. She liked musicals minus most Rogers and Hammerstein. I had so much fun with Strawberry-pop that I didn't even realize I was with Bellingham version it felt like the real thing.

Please be on the look out for my doppelganger. I bet she's awesome.

What About Thad?

Did anyone see that movie, What About Thad? It's this really old Mormon movie where this boy get corrupted by evil hippies. Spencer's never seen it and I'm trying to find it so he can watch it.
My friend Sachiko wrote about stalking, This reminded me of my favorite game. When I exit the freeway I won't turn on my turn signal until the person in front of me does. Coincidentally, most of the time the driver and I will have the same places to turn so although I don't actually follow them it looks as though I am.
This sort of thing would terrify my mother so I assume it would to other motorist.
Wile driving the dark wooded freeway to Bellingham I noticed that for at least 7 miles I had been following an SUV. It was taking all the turns I do so I just turned my blinker when they did. I must have really freaked them out. They pulled into my apartment complex, and quickly turned their car around to face mine.
Spencer now finds this game amusing.

I'm a feminist trust me

Last night Spencer and I were talking about the bad connotations the word feminist has.
It seems that some girls are afraid to be pro fems.
I must have ranted a bit too much and frightened Spencer, because later that night he started a conversation like this:
"Do you think the guy who invented.. or girl, girls can invent things too."

There's snow in Bellingham.

Sometimes Spencer and I pretend to do the things Adia does, like we'll kiss eash other the way she does it (really gross big open mouth.)
After a while of imitating her Spencer said, "Poor Adia, She doesn't know her parents are in the other room making fun of her."

Thanks for ruining the fun Spencer.

I didn't quite catch your name

I called the insurance company...

Me: Hi, can I speak to Maria in the claims department?
Lady: She's on the phone right now. I can send you to her voice mail.
Me: She didn't call me back last time and I need to know if she got my paper work.
Lady: One minute...
Lady: She recived it and is processing the claim now.
Me: That's great, but I never gave you my name so how do you know she has my stuff?
....
Lady: Let me go get her.

Saying thank you with glitter

Going to the bathroom at someone's house may be the most terrifying thing you do.
Making a really awkward story short I clogged a friend of Spencer's toilet. They reported that they were having problems with it, and in my defense there was nothing in there that shouldn't have had an easy time going down.
To make me feel like there were no hard feelings they gave me a card with faeries, glitter and a bewildered kitten.

I have a friend who, whenever I tell her an embarrassing story, always one ups me. This makes me happy. She told me a story about when she accidentally flung poo on her ex-boyfriend's grandma's wall.

She had straps on her shirt that fell into the toilet. When she pulled one up to examine, it shot poo like a slingshot onto the wall. Being a slow learner, she pulled the other strap up in the same way. She informs me that antique wall paper is near impossible to clean.

Cereal Confessionals

VO: My father-in-law is a sex therapist, he's really smart. But can he see why kids love cinnamon toast crunch?

Doc: Is it cause the cinnamon reproduces Asexually?

You remind me of the babe

Every morning Spencer brings me a clean (diaper changed) happy Adia.
I feed her and let her crawl around the bed as I try to stay in a bit longer. This morning as she babbled and drooled on my bedsheets I looked into her elf little face and thought, 'she looks just like David Bowie in the Labyrinth.'


This picture of Adia was taken four months ago but it still applies. P.S. don't call my baby creepy cause that's just mean.

Flattery will get you everywhere

When I was little my older brother and sister would rave about my skills as a popcorn chef.
I believed it. I thought that my mixture of butter and salt was precise, unlike that of Jolly Time.
I tried my skills in the kitchen on other food like my gourmet success, Top Roman.
I thought it was the way I followed the directions that somehow it was in another language that only true chefs could read.
After that was mastered I began boiling the noodles and then frying them with spices (the packet that is included) and adding frozen stir fry vegetables.
My brother and sister ate well.
It wasn't till I was in 8th grade and they moved out that I realized that the only reason they told me I was so good was because they didn't want to make it themselves.
My older sister was so good at this that she was even able to get my little sister to make cookies and brownies which she would bring to her boyfriends as a token of love.

Truly, Rachel, I am the cute one

I have an older sister, four girls and one boy (the oldest). I am number 3 that's how I turned out so amazing.
When I was about 8 my sister was 12 and going through puberty. I thought she was just getting fat.
My parents bought us matching day beds to go in our room. Mine had white hearts where the white iron bars met. My sister had a decorative cast to join the bars on her bed, I thought they were ugly.
I was certain my parents gave her that bed since she was the ugly daughter.

Diamonds are a girls best friend and I am so very lonely

I am pretty sure I saw this on Crunk and Disorderly but when I went to the site I couldn't find it so I could have seen this elsewhere.

Oprah celebrated African American woman and had a dinner party a parting gift was diamond jewelry.
Celebrating anything African related shouldn't people stay away from diamonds?

meow meow piddlepot's counting school

When my little sister (not lil' sis,) was even more little, she thought our cat was helping her with her math. That cat's answer was indicated by tapping or kneading the bed.
My sister would read out loud her problem and then count each kitty paw movement scribbling a 7 next to 8 -2.
She didn't do to well at math, but it's not the cat's fault none of my siblings or I did well in math.

My dream pony

I was a pretty cliché little girl, I really wanted a pony.
I thought the most beautiful name would be Moonshine.
Moonshine and I would ride through grassy meadows and always end up at a waterfall.
Every boy would be in love with me because I was free and my hair would shine in the sun.

Recently my friend Katie sent me a link about the tenth dimension.

Somewhere there is a girl who had a pony named Moonshine, and every boy in that world wanted to climb trees, watch duck tales and ride ponies with her.

Also she was a ballerina with superpowers.

Drive up drug deal

My friend Katie was in my parent's neighborhood visiting her mother. My mom drives by and sees Katie stepping out of her own car. My mom slams on her breaks and rolls down her window.
"Katie!" she exclaims. "Have you been taking Calcium?"
"no," Katie responds.
"Do you want to?" My mom hands her a bottle of calcium pills and drives off.

My mom is really generous she has stopped foreigners at fast food restaurants and invited them to stay at our house. She stops when she sees any elderly person and gives them a ride.

She thinks that this is how normal people act.

Youtube makes me stupid

My little sister called me up crying.

lil' sis: I have MRSA and there is no cure and I'm going to die!
me: Did a Dr. tell you this or mom.
lil' sis: *sniff* mom, she said it could be MRSA
me: She thought my friend had a brain tumor when she had headaches. You're going to be okay.

The next day

me: So what did the Dr. say?
lil' sis: Flea bites, but mom thinks she cured the MRSA with her homeopathic medicines

My mom's awesome.
I feel so sad that there are people out there that do not have her as a mother.

Yo Gabba Gabba is the oddest kid show I have ever seen.
I've linked to my favorite song on the show.
Adia loves it along with the egg song.

It's a web like a spider's web made of silver light and shadows...

When Adia was first born I always seemed to find white spiders around where she was. This is not that strange seeing that I was given a lot of flowers. Well after a several nights of no sleep I went a little crazy. On a particular morning she woke me up crying at 3am. I couldn't really wake up fully. I saw another white spider by my pillow and I was positive she sent the white spiders to kill me.

A Halloween phone call

Adia was an Octopus for Halloween. Thank you Carly for the costume!
Adia fell asleep half an hour into Trick or Treating.
I got a call when I got home.

Lady: What was your baby?

Me:um.. an octopus

Lady: It looked like an elephant. My husband showed me a picture he took on his camera phone looked like something was on her face.

Me: nope she was a pink octopus.

Adia starts screaming

Lady: are you putting her to bed? Call me when your done.

I don't call back I have no idea who this woman is. I'm not sure she knows who I am either.

Over, Under, Around and Through

Adia tried to crawl under my chair.
She kept whining and so I looked under my chair and found out she got stuck on the bar between the chair legs and couldn't get off it.


It was really funny.

Crawling

Adia wants to crawl.
She tries and tries and gets so frustrated and starts crying.
in the chaos of it all she actually starts crawling.
But by that time she is too busy bawling to notice she is actually crawling.

Halloween Spider Adventure

Last night my husband woke me with:
"Chrissy come here! There's a nest of spider eggs in the bathroom."
I'm pretty freaked out. If he can see these eggs it's going to be one science project size bug.
I refuse to go in, but he sounds as if these are the most disgusting abominable eggs and I need to see them.
Scared to death I get up to look at them.

Buring is such a mean word

Today a repair man came out to fix our dryer cause it was burning some of my clothes. After he finished he explained that there was lint caught behind the heater and it had become "dis-colored" and that had "dis-colored" my clothes.

It was just some crazy dryer paint!

my baby eats off the floor

I went with my mom to church a couple Sundays ago.
It's in the suburbs with suburb mommies. Adia was smiling a at some admirers and spits out this thick cottage cheese like mess.
Not wanting the women to get upset that my baby spit up all over their church, especially since it's my mom who would have to live with it, I quickly scrub the floor. Getting up notice that Adia is happily wearing some I take the cloth and swipe her clean.
The women looked at me in horror, "You cleaned the floor with that and THEN your baby?"
I smile and shrug.
Adia spends most of her day licking the carpet of our apartment.

I think if you got up for someone five times during the night to feed them you wouldn't be awake enough the next day to stop them eating the floor or to notice you are cleaning them with a dirty cloth.

testing

I'm trying to edit my blog the way I want it.
here is a story of something that happened last spring:

When I was little I really, really wanted a pony, and I would name her moonshine. I found out a little while later that it meant alcohol but I still want to name a pony moonshine.

I signed up for a 3d animation class but I needed a pre-requisite I didn't have. I didn't find out about that till Wednesday so on Friday I tried to get into another class but it was canceled . so that is the back up story:

Monday I signed up for a children's literature class. I thought it was going to be writing and illustrating children's stories but I think it was a class for children.

The teacher tells us a children's story:
two kids have 12 cookies, 2 more come and they have to share between them and then two more and then in come six and everyone gets one cookie.
in-between the children coming in, the mother in the story is saying "no one bakes cookies like grandma"
so the teacher asks us "what can we learn from this story?"

one girl says um... how to make cookies?

I knew I had to switch classes when the teacher referenced family circus cartoons.


The teacher emphasized that it was such a MIRACLE that children learn language.
We are in a college class, children learning to speak is not a miracle.

Maybe it's the repetition. you shove a bottle in someone's face saying bottle over and over they'll eventually learn it.
My teacher probably did acid.

I canceled the class.

Right now I've been testing my blog and such trying to get things working. It's been a while since I've tried working with any code.

one is for bad news

Seeing one raven (or crow) is suppose to mean bad news, at least that is what I was told growing up. What happens if you see one raven and it throws a fork at you? I think I am going to find a new way to walk to the grocery store the ravens are attacking now.

that's so raven.

Last night I had a dream that there was these kids who found a crate and they made it their home. It stretched into this little children's book with black and white images.