Biff

I'm house sitting two cats. One is named Biff who lives in the house and one was dropped off who was only named fatty fat cat out of lack of a better name. I think naming fat cats Garfield must be copyrighted. Biff hates Fatty and this is the conversation I picture them having.

Spencer informs me that this isn't really funny and no one else would probably laugh at it. I'm still laughing and that's good enough.

I still don't have a camera. These pictures are taken with my computer camera. It doesn't do the fat cat justice. This cat is huge.

Stop pestering the birds

Every playground harbors an behavior insurrectionist. (look I can use big words!)
Like the people who tell children not to chase the birds. I understand overly bulky birds like peacocks , chickens or turkeys who cannot fly well, but what child could hurt a raven or seagull? I'm sure they are annoyed about being chased away from the picnickers, but really, how many times have you seen this? Once there was a boy throwing sand down at the ground. He was fascinated with the rocks that would sink into the sand and some that would bounce. A mother (who only had girls) saw the boy and followed him around saying, "We don't throw dirt."
Well, yes, maybe you don't throw dirt but he does, and he's really enjoying it.

Dream Issue

So Spencer has been reading to me while I work on craft projects.
He's always wanted me to read George R. R. Martin's, Throne of fire and ice raven song dragon dance. That's not the name, I don't remember it and I don't really care to, because that's not important. Spencer disagrees. He likes to use his superior useless information to ask me things like which movie Admiral Acht-barr is from.
So last night I had a dream that I was a character in the book.
I was a character named Aria. I was trapped with an evil Count.
Hot Pie (a character, not an actual pie, though there needs to be more pastries in my dreams) rides in on a Pegasus and rescues me. I ask the pony "How did you know to rescue me?"
"I am enchanted, " says the talking Pegasus. "A sorceress made it so that I am cut whenever I need to go help someone."
I notice now the scars all over the horse's back. "Which one is from me?" I ask.
"Which one looks the most painful?" the Pegasus responds
I notice a gash with lemon wedges stuck inside and figure that one must be mine.
I totally didn't care, Phfft, walk it off talking pony-bird.

Food Post

I was reading in the other room, Adia came up to me with a big smile holding her hands out for me to receive what she held. She wiped her vomit into my hands, smiled and walked out.
I didn't know she had thrown up and it was really gross thst she wanted to share.
This morning Spencer caught Adia feeding her breakfast to her doll.

pepe

Somehow my grandma managed to get a hold of the ugliest doll in the world. he looks like poop with white pants. More specifically like a rejected E.T. doll dipped in gloss. He use to have a sombrero but that was lost in the move.

When my grandma was put into a nursing home my dad found it amongst her many dolls she would fix up and give to "the poor kids." I put that in quotations because that is how she worded it.
My dad and lil sis have a tradition of placing the doll in where the other will unfortunately find it, In my dad's top drawer or on lil sis's night stand watching her as she sleeps.
Each morning while I've been staying at my parent's house my baby will pick up pepe and give him a hug.


Family photo minus Spencer.

Ear Candy

Spencer: I hate when I see a movie and the characters are nothing that I pictured.
Me: Yeah like when you read Tyrion in the George R. R. Martin books. You make him with such a whiny voice. I guess that is probably closer to what he would sound like. But I still picture him looking like that sexy dwarf from LotR.
Spencer: Yeah... that worries me. When you think Gimli is hot, I wonder how I compare.

My sister and I went to Kinder Britches today and after buying head bands we found adorable tights that were too much money. After coveting, we gave up and started to leave.
The store owner stopped my sister and handed her a pair. "I went into this business to make people happy," she says. She handed me a pair too.
I can't explain how elated I am. As we were walking away my sister realized she forgot the plastic dress up jewelry she bought at the store. We decided it might be bad taste to go back and ask for it.

Ponies ponies ponies

squeel! Everyone, we need to get a herd of these going soon!
I haven't been this excited since my own child started walking

No this is more exciting.

words that hurt

So many problems from words. For instance I thought I wanted to see The Spirit cause Will Eisner is classic but Frank Miller, yuck. I finally saw a trailer and my head hurt the story looks like a lonely middle school kid wrote it.
My dad recently had a problem with words.
My parents and I decided to take a walk to Country Village a tacky farm craft tourist trap in Bothell, so that Adia could see the ducks. There was a little girl with tiger face paint on. My dad points out "Hey look, a Tigger!" Referring to the beloved coffee lovin pooh charter. Instantly my dad cringes on the choice of words. The family who are of African decent, do not smile and my dad is hoping they didn't mishear him, "Um.. nice face paint," he tries to save.

I kissed my cat and I liked it, he got fur all over my chapstick

I won't read Sandman cause a lot of the art is so bad and I can't finish Tellos cause the writing is so awful. Spencer is hardcore. He will finish collections of X-men in a day that will take me over a week to finish. I read two pages and I get so annoyed with the ridiculous writing that I have to go look up lol cats or decent web comics like scary go round or penny arcade.
I've never been too fond of the X-men it's difficult for people to write groups well. It's all concept and no character. Joss Whedon pulls it off really well each character is independent of each other. It must be all those years writing for television.

When I was first married my sister in law told me that comics books were a phase and that Spencer and I would grow out of it.
If you haven't seen this site before go to it immediately, go to Galleries and look at Examples of Superdickery.

When I was in college I took a class about getting a job and they advised us that we need to be confident.
I tried my new skills at my nest interview. After a series of questions which I do not remember the answers to she came to the final one, "What would you like to change about yourself." I thought a minute, "Nothing," I said smiling "I like the way I am."
I didn't get the job.

I kissed my cat and I liked it

At church I teach a class for the high school girls.
I try to think back to things in my child hood that would be a good object story; like my brother threw a mouse at me and that's why you shouldn't lie cause it's like the lies are mice and you are forcing them on people who do not want mice/lies on them, or there were the times my brother threw jelly fish at me and that means you shouldn't steal cause those jellyfish did not like to be taken out of their home, or there was a time my brother tickled me till I peed my pants and you shouldn't kill people because their blood will go all over just like pee and they wouldn't like that.

I was thinking about my great grandmother who was a trapeze artist.
.... hmm that's not right. I had never heard anything but I distinctly remember discovering my great grandmother was an acrobat. But my mom's grandma wasn't in the circus, where did that memory come from?
Then I remembered when I was little I was going through my mom's drawer and I found pretty silky lingerie. I figured that it must belong to a beautiful circus performer and since my mom had clothes from her grandma I figured it must belong to her. I ran to my mom and showed her the beautiful costume and asked her if I could wear it. She took it away and I never found it in her stuff again. I figured it was because she didn't want me to run away and join the circus.

I just lost 7 months worth of photos and my camera broke.
I'm an idiot for not backing it up.

this post may include picket signs

Here kids this is interesting.

"Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic growth and the health and
well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions
of girls across the developing world, there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity.
However, the existing research suggests their impact can reach much farther than expected." - The Girl Effect

When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90 percent of it into their families, as compared to only 30 to 40 percent for a man.
(Phil Borges, with foreword by Madeleine Albright, Women Empowered: Inspiring Change in the Emerging World [New York: Rizzoli, 2007], 13.)


The Girl Effect

Since having a baby I have been pumped full of girl power.
With the problems of sex trafficking growing in the World including the U.S. there needs to be more effort in the worth of a girl's life.
Call me up and I can give you very long lecture.

It's never so simple

Adia didn't want to sleep last night. I've been keeping her up too late the last couple of nights, so last night when I got her ready for bed she cried for a very long time.
I called my mom trying to get assurance that everything is okay.

The doom begins.
mom: did you check her diaper?
me: yep
mom: did you check if there was a rubber band on her arms or legs? That's how our dog lost half his ear. Once there was a baby who wrapped a piece of hair around her finger until all the circulation was stopped.
me: that's all right, she stopped crying
mom: Well go check on her! babies can suffocate on blankets and toys!

I would just laugh this off but it does seem like babies have a death wish. I hear so many horror stories from other moms. I try not to let them get to me, I'm already paranoid enough.

Happy Fourth

Muppets celebrate the fourth.

My spanking arm is twitching

No it's not Adia I want to spank, it's the playground brat who shoved her off the stairs. That kid needs a whoopin.
Spencer, Adia and I went to the beach this last weekend. I realized while I was there that I got my swimsuit when I was a senior in high school 6 years ago. I was pretty uncomfortable with that thought and I allowed myself to buy something without feeling guilty.
I was searching on websites and I found this picture.

This picture is a little unsettling to me it just doesn't seem right the body looks 2d with some shines thrown in like some badly photoshopped putty. The girl's left leg especially looks trimmed.
But maybe I'm just fat.





This just picture gives me the shutters.

Every one has one

Adia looks more like her dad each day.
Speaking on family I haven't posted since I've had my family in town.
Lil sis and little sister were leaving, "Don't forget your toothbrushes!" I told them.
Later Spencer and I went to brush our teeth.
Me: Look Spencer, I told them to grab their toothbrushes and they forgot them!
Spencer: eh, looks like they took mine.
Me: Spencer it has to be around here. (I start to look) They took mine too!

The Donald Duck in me wants to get mad but I'm too confused. It's not like any of the toothbrushes looked alike, one was electric.
Their teeth better sparkle with freshly stolen power.

Sweded

I finally got to see Be kind rewind, I had been wanting to see that for a really long time.
Two weekends ago Spencer wanted to rent X-men two, I wanted to watch Be kind rewind it wasn't out to video yet.
I was only in the mood for a comedy so I wouldn't give in.
Spencer searched online for a pirated X-men to watch alone.

Instead, Spencer found this:
X-men made by Filipino kids
And here is another one

So we both won, he got a sweded X-Men movie.

Oh please go check out the website for the BKR movie it's great. They remake the internet

you can make a difference

Spencer hasn't shaved in three weeks and I know what he is doing.
Every Summer he has tried to grow a beard. He won't tell me cause I will protest with pickets. I don't know if you can tell from this picture but he CAN'T grow facial hair.
There are significantly large and frequent bald patches which make him look like a 15 year old who thinks he can pass for 18.
Genetics has banned him and his immediate family from accomplishing this.
Not being able to grow a luscious man-beard has made them fight the harder for this.
They color in and comb over I am not fond of this tradition and I'm stamping his dream here, it's not happening.

Please, email Spencer and tell him to shave.
I've tried to just do it my self but he runs away from me.

ETERNITY................

Spencer: Du dun don dabble diddle diddle dee.
Me: Stop that it's annoying
Spencer: dun dun. How do I make this noise? I'm not even a fiddle.

This is something I deal with regularly.

When my church asked me to teach the girl 16-18 I thought they had the wrong idea. "Are you sure you don't mean 6-8 ?"

After several months I am positive they must have the wrong person. We had a meeting to discuss decorating a bulletin board. (Arrrgh and they wonder why the boys have better turnout to activities) I said unicorns. And in my defense if you do a google image search of unicorns it promises some hilarious entertainment.

It seemed like my ideas were not what they were looking for which is totally fine I just think I was probably in the wrong place. Oh well I get to teach them all my false doctrines on Sundays. This Sunday my lesson is about how turtles use to do baptisms for the dead and the temple is where we play naked basketball.

P.S. I had a friend who really thought that's why people had to have a recommendation to go the temple, cause we play naked basketball.

and that's where babies come from

I went to the park today and a little boy around 5 or six came over to Adia to show her a ladybug he found.
I saw an ash grey ladybug nearby which I thought was a baby. Turns out real baby ladybugs are scary monsters.
"That's not a baby!" the kid tells me. "Ladybugs are first eggs then they turn into a caterpillars and then they get a clitoris ..."
I tried really hard not to laugh.