I'm pretty sure disney made that

I knew the poetry was going to be bad when it opened with, "Everyday is Auschwitz for animals."

stuff white people like

I have a starving baby since I have spent so much time reading stuff white people like.
Speaking of something that will inevitably be written on that blog I am going to published in a magazine written for women about women, I must be gifted.

Adia Update:
Spencer spent the morning cooking in the kitchen. He finally collapsed on the bed and let his feet hang off the side. I found Adia picking rice off his feet and eating it.

a diva is born

Adia is pretty ruthless, for a baby.
We fell asleep together while I was nursing her. She woke up first and to get me to move she took the nipple of her pacifier in her hand and slammed the plastic end into my face several times.

nosey neighbors

I live with my landlord below me.
I know nothing about her and despite my efforts I never got any information. I gave up and just googled her name. Not only did I find out where she was April 3rd 2006 I found audio recordings of her narrating her life.
Since she was 16 she wanted to be a fisherman. Repeatedly she was rejected until one day while enrolled in Evergreen College she was hired to come within a week to Alaska to come aboard a fishing ship. Once there the cops were arresting the man who hired her on rape and child molestation charges. She was stranded in Alaska with little money. She finally found some jobs and ended up fishing in Norway. I'm still listening to the recordings.
I am a big fan of This American Life and I blame them for my joy in these findings.

maybe if I stop feeding her she will stop pooping

I'm kicking myself now. I have officially posted messy pictures of my baby eating. In my defense this it looks like she is a zombie baby and has finished devouring a healthy human. Spencer was frustrated this morning that zombies are all the rage, example, example, example, example.
Previous to this we have had a conversation about pomegranates being all the rage. It's pretty funny that they both seem to be in fashion at the same time since pomegranates are the food of the dead.

Speaking of eating strange meat, at Norwescon I saw a woman grab a slice of bologna spread peanut butter on it and smile as she took a bite.

we've been waiting for a whale

Last night I had a dream.
* *wavey scene transition* *
There was a man trying to get Spencer and I to stay at his camp. He opened a box that was as big as a T.V. Neatly packaged inside was every cartoon ever made in chronological order.
"What year were you born?" he asked. There was a definite hint of pure evil in his voice.
"84."
"Oh than you liked My Little Ponies."
I feigned enthusiasm. Although reliving my pony rage would be fun, for the most part 80's cartoons really sucked. He should have temped me with the cartoons from the 30's-40's. I'm a sucker for those surrealist Little LuLu and Betty Boops.
I told him we really needed to go.
Spencer and I took off and ran until we got to the end of a cul-de-sac.
Black clothed torsos with ninja masks fell from the sky landing in the grass ahead of us. Spencer and I stop breathless in the center scared to go further.
"We are the limbless ninjas watch us EXPLODE!" With that they exploded. There was a wall of fire and smoke ahead of us. When it clears the limbless ninjas miraculously their unharmed bodies appeared to the right of us and begin to repeat their motto.
They fade as a new song begins to crescendo over them "Love, love, love..." A chorus surrounded us. They were normal people with a few people in animal costumes and street performer clothes. This eclectic group surrounds us leaving an opening for the marching band that accompanies. The band is an over the top replica of the animated Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band . They are some are on stilts. They are distorted and lead everyone in singing "All You Need is Love."

Spencer and I broke through the crowd and ran through a field.
Teenage Pete Townsend tackled Spencer. I helped break Spencer free as we continued being chased by Townsend who was then joined by Mark Hamill dressed in the fighter pilot outfit. We reached the end of a tall dock. This was our pick up location for a whale to come and return us to our home.
Townsend was still after us, I explained to Hamill that we don't want to go to the camp, he decided he would fight on our side, jumped in a truck and ran over Townsend.
This happened on the dock which then began falling into the water from the weight.
Hamill, in the truck, was the first to start sliding into the water. Hamill saluted and gave us a half smile as his truck slowly rolled off the dock. Townsend was less graceful, clinging to the increasingly vertical dock his hands slipped and he fell screaming into the water.
Spencer and I follow.

give me a hand for this one

When I was in the 2nd grade someone gave a report about starfish.
cool starfish fact:
If they lose an arm the grow another.
I was so bored.
Why was this cool? Humans did it too. I didn't tell anyone this for fear of being wrong.
I had seen people with missing limbs but they were in the process of growing a new one.

Jesus will make you jump jump

When lil sis was around the age 5 she liked to draw pictures of Jesus.
This one is my favorite titled, "Jump rope with Jesus."
I can't find any of the other ones.

My brother told me his son is doing the same thing now. My nephew (5) drew a picture of him protecting Jesus from the bad guys in Halo.

You did it too!

When I was pregnant I use to think about Adia eating off a placenta and how strange that was. Every person I saw, I would think, 'they ate off a placenta.'
Presidential candidates, actors, writers, musicians, I still think about it, but I get stumped when it came to Alan Moore
Either he never ate off a placenta and was some weird apparition, or he still eats placenta

A spoonful of what?

I remember when watched Mary Poppins for the first time.
I was about six and at repeated begging my friend finally let me watch her copy.
There is a part in the movie where medicine is handed out. At each spoonful the children say what flavor they taste, Poppins announces her flavor is "rum punch."
I remember I was wary of Poppins after that announcement. I figured she must have been an alcoholic if she wanted rum flavored medicine. I figured once Jane and Michael were asleep she would break open her bottles and drink till she passed out.

I still think she probably did that.

Angst

I'm packing up our house for the move and I came across Spencer's old journal.
It was very entertaining, full of angst. My favorite line is when he wonders if I am good enough for him.

We don't have any food in our house except for buckets of milk. Well, we have one and a half gallons. We don't drink milk we have it on cereal but we don't even eat cereal much so to salvage the last of it we made lots and lots of pudding. It's pretty gross.

We were trying to figure out dinner. Spencer voted for twice baked pudding potatoes.

Paris is nice

I ran into a friend's mom who told me what her daughter was up to.
"She got into a Hollywood party and met Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears and 'Paris is really nice.'"
At that moment I realized I honestly don't care.
I've had friends run into famous people.
A friend of a friend's uncle is Chuck Palahniuk. My friend got to spend some time with the writer and talk to him about his books. I was very interested in any insider information. What jobs did Palahniuk have that gave him ideas or knowledge?
But essentially Palahniuk is a man I don't think about, unlike Hilton and Spears which are in every grocery isle and slapped all over the internet.
But when someone I know actually met them I realized I don't care about these girls, not even a little bit.
I wouldn't want to met them. I don't feel like anything they do is important.
I didn't have an honest response to the mother's statement. I think it must have been 'neat' and we moved on from there.

But I really wish I could have responded, "Who are they? I've never heard of them."

Giving Spencer what he wants

Adia gets a Sesame Street podcast once a week.
This last week featured Cookie Monster which made Spencer go nuts.
I didn't think much of it cause there are a lot of things that make Spencer giddy and excited. Try taking him into any store he will pick out 4 things he NEEDS and like 10 things he badly wants.
He finds his giddiness over a blue monster hilarious and has asked me several times if I plan to tell his family how delirious Cookie Monster made him.

I'm going to step it up; Here you go Spencer a blog post about your wacky reaction to seeing your beloved childhood icon.

Here is my post:
Adia and Spencer watched a Sesame Street Podcast featuring Cookie Monster. This got Spencer excited.

Experiment outcome; messy

My mom is really into science. Sometimes she likes to do experiments which is why she must have had five kids, so she would never run out of test subjects.
One fine afternoon she offers my sister some hot tea.
My older sister happily drinks up and decides to go to the store with my mother. Once in the store, older sister barley made it to the toilet where she emptied her colon.
My mother finished her shopping and stopped by the bathroom to pick up my sister where older sis was sobbing.
Mom: Ready to go?
Ol' Sis: I *sniff* think I'm dying. I don't know what's going on
Mom: Oh good the tea works.

Apparently it was a cleansing tea.


I think this is why Mormons are suppose to stay away from tea it's so they don't pull theses experiments on their children.

Spencer was drawing pictures of vikings. I told him to draw me as a hot viking girl.
Here is Spencer's drawing. Next to this hobo slob picture is an illustration of a hot viking I created. Clearly I am the winner and superior artist.

Trash Baby

Adia found our trash can.
I really should have figured out that she would try to get into it. She is exploring everything so when I wasn't looking she pulled the trash down finding some deliciously stale rolls that I had thrown out.
She excitedly bit into them and discovering they were rock hard cried for me to make it better.

My baby's first dumpster dive.

Now I hide the trash can in the closet.

The Sex Talk

When I was about 8 my grandma gave my older sister and I the sex talk.

"One day you are going to meet a guy, and you're going to like him. He's going to take you up into the woods. He's going to want to, and you're not going to want to. And if you don't come across he's going to leave you there."

My sister and I still discuss this. What were we suppose to do? Come across or be left? Which was the route she was encouraging?

I think my grandmother may have been trying to get out of work. She made over 100 quilts each year for unwed mothers and would make well over 300 dolls each year for needy children.

Still, come across or not to come across.

Every time I visit my family I feel that I am in competition with lil' sis.
Mom: I think lil' sis's eyes are bigger than yours. Stand side by side. Let me see...oh definitely lil' sis!
Then my mom marvels at lil sis' ability to match colors.
Mom: Look how that blue shirt matches with the blue in her jacket!

I want praise and attention! me! everyone read this blog and tell me I'm funny!

I'm jealous of the girl whose life motto was "I'm Chrissy in training!"

Doppelganger

Spencer and I had two friends in Utah that we always dreamed of hooking up. Since I don't need to tell you their names I'm going to make up names. Her name is Strawberry-pop and his name is Rexalicious.

Strawberry-pop and Rexalicious didn't know each other and were not friends. Both were single.
I tried on several occasions to get them together but Strawberry-pop was one not to be crossed. If she felt like she was being set up on a date, I would probably end up being tied to the ground with a room full of babies. (If this analogy seems a bit foreign just borrow someones baby for a while and let them crawl around by your face. They dig their tiny little nails everywhere, especially eyes mouth and nostrils, and they are remarkably fast to hurt you.)

Spencer and I moved to Bellingham and we found a man who looked and acted remakably like Rexalicious. In fact his name was even Rexalicious. Wanting a Bellingham version of our Utah friend we quickly invited him over. His wife was named Strawberry-pop! She was just like the Utah Strawberry-pop--she loved to watch horrible TV and knew it was horrible TV. She liked musicals minus most Rogers and Hammerstein. I had so much fun with Strawberry-pop that I didn't even realize I was with Bellingham version it felt like the real thing.

Please be on the look out for my doppelganger. I bet she's awesome.

What About Thad?

Did anyone see that movie, What About Thad? It's this really old Mormon movie where this boy get corrupted by evil hippies. Spencer's never seen it and I'm trying to find it so he can watch it.
My friend Sachiko wrote about stalking, This reminded me of my favorite game. When I exit the freeway I won't turn on my turn signal until the person in front of me does. Coincidentally, most of the time the driver and I will have the same places to turn so although I don't actually follow them it looks as though I am.
This sort of thing would terrify my mother so I assume it would to other motorist.
Wile driving the dark wooded freeway to Bellingham I noticed that for at least 7 miles I had been following an SUV. It was taking all the turns I do so I just turned my blinker when they did. I must have really freaked them out. They pulled into my apartment complex, and quickly turned their car around to face mine.
Spencer now finds this game amusing.