one is for bad news

R. R. Muffins

2011-07-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Spencer has waited six years to read the latest George R. R. Martin book, "Dancing Song Dragon Sword Ice Game."
Several days ago I made him these to enjoy his book.
The R's stand for Raspberry and Rhubarb.
I really enjoyed these books as well but I didn't want to keep reading after the red wedding. I feel like there is so much drama already in my life I don't want my entertainment to torment me.

Speaking of, I haven't written in well over a year since having my new baby and my parent's divorce. There was a lot going on and whenever I thought about making a post it was really preachy.

I am your king

2010-06-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

I feel so lucky to live where I do.

We had a home visit from the midwife yesterday. There were some rather personal exams to do. So after all the outside work was done Spencer took Adia out of the room and the midwife and I fished the rest of the exam.

Later Adia wanted to play midwife and mommy.

"What's your midwife name?" I asked Adia wondering if she would pretend to be Kim, her nursery teacher.

"Fishy Turtle King, but others call me Katelyn." She said this like it was something I would recognize.

We checked blood pressure and listened to the heartbeat.

"Okay now the scary part," said Adia.

"What scary part?" I asked.

"The part where the midwife puts on the gloves." (This was the last thing Adia saw as she left the room.)

I couldn't think of what to tell Adia. The truth seemed way too complicated to explain plus I don't want her to play that kind of midwife and mommy with her friends. So I told Adia the midwife had to take some blood samples. It also seemed like someone who held the name of Fishy Turtle King would be an expert at drawing blood.

On another note: Mormons believe there is still more great knowledge to come. My sister has a theory that it is how to live as a global community.

I found this video last night about our empathetic civilization. I found it very beautiful and thought on what my sister said.

I really love this idea of viewing everyone as your countryman.

Ghost Rider... Word

2010-05-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in karma there are some truly awful things that happen and I know it's not because of their actions.

Still, it's satisfying to see people get what they deserve.

I have a brother and he's older than me. No hallway or doorway was safe. You never knew when he was going to jump out. On several occasions shoved his socks in my mouth after football practice. He gave me welts by making his ring finger go perfectly limp, then whipping me with it. He chased my sisters and I on a moped and the fact that it was pink didn't lessen the fear (well maybe a little).

The other day I was talking to my brother's wife. I heard a scream in the background and sigh from the sis-in-law.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's child #2 he isn't happy unless child #3 is upset."

I laughed maniacally for a long time.

Why are you even talking to me?

2010-04-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

Me: Adia, why are you naked?
Adia: Cause I am.
Me: Sorry for asking such a stupid question.

I'm already being sassed my her. Guess I need to take back the pink backpack birthday gift and get that Prada bag she wanted.

I haven't written for a while since there have been too many things going on that would reduce me to ranting rather then what ever else I do here.
I drove to Utah and saw my little sister give birth which was beautiful but her hospital and staff were so barbaric and cruel.
My older sister moved so I was helping her pack and get rid of stuff (into my closet.) Her daughter and mine are best friends and I love my sister. This is going to be a hard move. It's great to have a friend you can fight with and it means nothing the next day.

Adia got to call her cousin where the conversation was mainly Adia telling Eva how much she liked grapes. I wish I could call people tell how much I love kombucha (pregnancy craving) and have them in tears because they don't understand why I am not over there hanging out with them.

two in a week is it your birthday?

2010-03-02T06:23:00.000-08:00

Adia had a nightmare that the new baby ate all the yogurt.
Didn't even save her the empty carton to lick out.
Every night brings a 4am panic of being bumped.

She likes to take off her clothes and crawl around making annoying babble noises and refuses to ask for what she wants. I played along but I so sick of it. She even woke up screaming that I need to turn her big girl bed back into a crib.
I'm scared as her last effort she is going to try and crawl back into my uterus.

So mothers or two children how in the world can I get her to sleep through the night confident that I am not growing her replacement?

This is what I have done already:
I tell her I love her, she is still my little girl and I will always be her mommy. She is excited too she talks about the new baby and wants to be the one to hold the baby. I never call her the big girl or act like she needs to man up. I've read books about dealing with two kids today we are heading to the library for movies and books on kids getting a new sibling.

The girl with the rub on dragon tattoo

2010-02-28T06:34:00.000-08:00

This will most likely be a boring post. When it comes to my kid I have no idea what's entertaining and what isn't.

Adia climbed into my bed around 4 am wiggling and kicking more then the baby trappedin my uterus.

I got fed up with my lack of sleep and asked her if she wanted me to go back to her room so we could talk about what was scaring her. I thought I would figure out if it was something in her room.

"Is there something in here that scares you?" I asked once we were settled in her room.

"Nothing in my room is scary," she says. "There's a dragon who is my friend and talks to me."

"What color is he?"

"His eyes are pink and his squares (think she means scales) are purple and his hand are purple and he has toesies and feet and his sticks (think she means spikes?) are purple and he has a tail... and wings. He's nice."

"Is he big or little"

He's big and there is a little dragon who is nice too and a yellow dragon is shy."

"When did you first see them."

"When they were happy... They live in a big hole and they come out and make scary things go away... Scary things like alligators and Tinkerbell."

"Wait, Tinkerbell is scary?" She's never seen Peter Pan but she has me read the picture book quite often.

"Yeah when she's mad."

We talked about it and she caught Spencer and I watching the special features on the making of Pushing daisies. I tried to explain that it's a halloween show where people dress up. She loves Halloween and wants to check out books and movies (Max and Ruby) about Halloween. I guess it didn't work the makeup job just looks too good on that show.

I need a following

2010-02-14T21:56:00.000-08:00

Adia likes to pull the blankets out of my basket, curl up inside and fall asleep. She calls it her chickadee nest (for the worried moms out there the sides are loosely woven).

Today I watched kids climbing up the slide having a really good time about it.
I turned to the parents and said, "I love that you let your kids climb up the slide. It drives me crazy when parents make such a big deal about kids playing on something the wrong way. They are just having fun and getting exercise."
I was a little confused on their reaction I watch faces more then I listen to the words so when they said "Foot in your mouth."
I came to really confused on what that conversation was about.
I hardly listen to people when they talk.

Spencer told me that while the kids were climbing up the slide the parents were yelling at them to stop. I had congratulated them on not doing what they were doing.
I then watched the dad get up and scream in the little girls face about not climbing down the rock wall.
I'm really glad I didn't pay any attention to what he was saying. I'm a much happier person when I don't listen to people.

Also, Kids need to play more without parents dictating how it should be done.

in the confession booth

2010-02-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

I have a confession: I think Star Wars is boring.
Most of my friends already know this. I have finally decided to come clean to the world after years of deception. Everyone I knew loved the movies. I faked my way through watching the movies tring to get lines to quote. I bought tons of junk. I bought any Yoda doll I came across and stickers that I covered my binder with. I pretended to have crushes on Han and Luke but most of all I watched those movies a lot.

I remember telling one of my friends (who actually did do this) that I was going to get a tattoo of the rebel symbol. This would be the equivalent of me getting a Pride and Prejudice tattoo. Luckily by the time I was invited to watch Pride and Prejudice I didn't feel like I needed to like the same things to be friends with someone.

I don't feel like I have better taste in movies than anyone. I seem to like any artsy or literary foreign film or animated movie for children. But my rule for all film: If it's not funny I usually don't like it.

* Spencer edits my blogs before I post them. "Star Wars is funny!" he says, sounding pretty upset.

"Was it every time I was nodding off?" I ask.

Spencer you knew what I was when you picked me up!

Laughing all the way

2010-01-17T18:06:00.000-08:00

Big sis has always been a mama's girl. Mom had to be the last person to kiss her goodbye before she went to school. If my dad kissed her last she would have to go get another one from my mom.

So my brother started the "I hate you daddy" mimic where we exaggerated everything big sis did into meaning, I hate you daddy.

It was nice because:
A. It infuriated my sister.
B. It made me look great.

I thought if my dad thought my sister hated him then by default I would be his favorite.

My older sister came home from college and was eating dinner with my family. As a recent development my dad would sometimes choke when food was too spicy (everything is fine now; that's not a problem.)

No one had told my sister about this so when my dad make choking noises my sister thought my dad was joking that the food was terrible. Big sis started to laugh and laugh. It lasted a little longer then it should have.

So as my dad choked and listened to the laughter of his eldest daughter he thought, 'oh shit, she really does hate me.'

*Author's note: For those of you who don't know my dad, this would not be an accurate description if I had left out the 'oh shit.'

Random thought:
About a year ago I drove to church and saw that there would be a tea party in Bellingham. I was super excited and wished Adia was a little older so she could have tea without needing it in a sippy cup. I thought about how great Bellingham was for having these free events but wondered why it was held at a Walmart parking lot and not in one of the many beautiful parks. I saw the event the next week. Wrong kind of tea party. Sometimes I think I really need to get a TV.

Get back to work

2010-01-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

These are random and not related:

Last night I heard scratching at my bedroom window. This is odd since I live on the 2nd story. It was a big fat raccoon. I have no idea how his chubby body was able to scale the house.

When I was little my brother use to try and convince me that I was adopted. I secretly hoped he was right. My true parents were royal and had to give me up because that is what royalty does.

My mom thought freckles were the ultimate sign of beauty so when she was a little girl she use to paint them on. This isn't a picture of my mom; it's Adia.

It drives me crazy when I meet mothers who obsess over keeping clothes on dolls. Kids are curious about bodies and there isn't anything dirty of perverted about that. When I was 5 or 6 I was looking through my mom's medical books and found an illustration of a naked man. I hurried the book to my mom thinking she would flip.

"That's what the male body looks like," she told me. "There is nothing wrong with that but please don't show your friends. Some mothers don't want their children to see that yet."

I don't remember what that picture looked like and I never pulled out that book again but I was really comforted by the thought that I could talk to my mom about sexuality without her freaking out or thinking I was dirty.

One morning when Spencer was getting Adia out of her crib she was so excited to tell him:
"Ariel came into my room, she took my money and flew out the window!"

died at the hands of a circus side show

2009-12-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

I have a really good idea for a post but haven't been able to post since I've been on the brink of death. Some people might call what I had a "cold" but I am pretty sure the common cold isn't runny nose, sneezing, and headache. That really can only mean I am dying.

The doctor had the most glorious beard I have ever seen. Her beard was far greater then anything my husband could grow. Sorry Spencer.

When the the doctor left, my sister in law turned to me eyes wide and whispered, "Did you see that beard!?"

I felt bad for talking about it, I mean what if she didn't realize she had a long full beard? What if it was like getting spinach stuck in your teeth? I quickly came to the conclusion that beards do not grow without the owner of the face noticing. My conclusion has settled that instead of shaving or waxing that is is proud of her luxurious beard.

It must feel great to have such a warm face through the winter.

unicorn girl with a beard

You stigare me

2009-11-23T08:54:00.001-08:00

Adia and I were having a tea party cause Adia hates taxes.

Just kidding.

It was the happy kind of tea parties, where tea is hurled all over the room and whole cookies are shoved in mouths in without chewing.

Adia said "Monster come to tea party!" so I went and got Animal. I threw his head out from behind the door frame and asked in a monster voice, "You having tea party?"

There was a couple minutes of silence so I looked into the room. I saw color return to Adia's face as a smile replaced her terror-stricken-eyes.

I didn't mean to scare her.

It's hard to imagine that Animal coming to life and floating four feet off the ground is possible to her.

Random fact: Last time I was pregnant I made up a snack. You dip a banana in yogurt and eat. I called it the Freudian snack.

many shades of black

2009-11-10T15:01:00.000-08:00

The previous post has been deleted because I rant for a while about something I don't care about.
A fetus will totally make you freak out at the dumbest things (I'm pregnant again).
The previous post was about how panels only seem to attract people who already agree. There really is never much of a discussion.
I am changing this post into my freak out over a cake. I have probably posted this before.

I was pregnant with Adia and didn't know it. I came home from Church fasting. All I thought about was my lemon cake. Cake is rarely around when you want it and since we are gluten free I made it from scratch.

I waited the eternal 20 minutes and when I pulled it out of the oven the center had fallen! That poop cake was not going to get away with this. I took out a butter knife and swore like a middle school kid desperately trying to mimic a Kevin Smith movie and attacked the cake. Spencer came out of the bedroom and quickly turned around and didn't come out until he heard sobbing. He found me ten minutes later on the floor, crying and eating cake

Translation

2009-10-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

When Spencer and I went to Scotland we spent some time talking to a girl in a crowded pub. She was boring, like an abstract painting that you to pretend you appreciate. We spent a long time trying to figure out where she was from. She sounded like an odd mix of Dick Van Dyke (from Mary Poppins), Groundskeeper Willie with a hint of Wallace and Gromit.

"Where are you from? I asked. "I've been trying to place where you are from but for the life of me can't figure it out."
Her face lit up like I was writing a story about her.

"Keliforrrnia." (California)

I was confused. This girl's accent was ridiculous "How long have you been here?"

"6 months!" She was so proud that she was blending in with the locals. Too bad they were just other U.S. tourists.

Zach, this was in Edinburgh by the way. Tell me if you run into her.

Missing you

2009-10-16T14:15:00.003-07:00

Oh Radiolab I miss you. I thought about you this morning and drew you this picture.

When my sister went to BYU Hawaii she met a roommate from Olympia, Washington. Over winter break my sister visited the roommate and they walked along the coast.

"What ocean do you think this is?" asked the roommmate

"well..." my sister began. "We are in the Pacific Northwest so I think it's safe to assume the Pacific Ocean."

"....oooh."

I think when applying to go to Hawaii the final question should be 'what ocean is Hawaii in?'

October = Ghost

2009-10-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today while eating dinner Adia said, "He go outside."

"Who went outside?" I asked.

"A ghost," said Adia

"Really? What does he look like?"

"Like a cow."

"Where in the world did you hear the word ghost? How do you know what one is?" I asked.
She pointed at the empty door, where apparently the ghost cow was standing.

Then it shouted MOO!

Okay the last "moo" part was made up. The first part was a real conversation.

hallelujah, Adia is mine

2009-09-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

Adia looks like Spencer.

She doesn't seem to have any of my interests. Mainly she likes to collect rocks and sticks and dress up like a princess.

Today we made robot heads and watched Spectacular Spiderman (which seems to pick up a little of Ramos's art.)

She squealed "Spiderman is cool!"

Finally!

I was starting to believe that maybe Spencer just reproduced asexually and laid the egg in my womb like some alien.

(front and back of robot head)

This post is a little boring so: Random Fact (I said I would do this 6 months ago):

If I am startled I punch. I once punched a clown in a haunted house because he jumped out in front of me. It was a challenge when I was in drama to hide in the wings and try to scare me without getting punched.

Recently at church I almost stabbed a 10 year old boy with scissors when he jumped out behind the door.

You never know when it will be a gang of ninjas so I never let my guard down.

.

Robots don't smell like pee

2009-09-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

I hate potty training. I don't want to spend time reading books on it either. I just want someone to say this is how you do it and get it done with. I tried giving her a jedgie (jelly) beans after every potty sitting, we got new underwear, new potty decorated it with stickers and she has seen her friends and people she admired use the potty. She just stands where she is and watches the pee fall out.

I am taking Melanie's idea and banning her from potty training till she is three.

This was my last straw:

She has a book about dogs, a fabric book where you feel the dog fur. She used the book as a stepping stool and peed all over it.

"UGH!" I groan. "That's disgusting."

"I a goofy goober!" says the excited Adia.

"No," I said, "you're a hobo."

.

Pretty sure they are made from happiness

2009-09-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

Due to come out this Christmas.

Cooking all your favorite foods with a special ingredient.

Please send me a comment if you would like to pre-order your book. I am expecting to out sell Paula Dean so please get on the list before they are all gone.

Mothra

2009-09-15T18:51:00.000-07:00

I hear Adia yelling, "Go away bee, go away!" I look down the hall at her. She is sitting perfectly still, not waving her arms or anything.

"Go away bee!"she keeps yelling.

I get closer. A large moth has landed on her foot and she is too petrified to move. And the moth is content to stay.

Adia's moving castle

2009-09-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

Adia and I made a castle out of cardboard. I can't seem to get her to play in it. I think next time I need to get her to participate more in the construction.
A friend was telling me about her diet.
"I am part raw, part gluten free, part vegetarian and I only use organic meat and dairy."
Isn't that everyone? I mean besides specifically organic sometimes I eat a salad and on my wild nights I eat fish. For a crazy twist sometimes I eat an apple baked into a pie.

The Illustrated Baby

2009-09-05T21:52:00.001-07:00

Why do I bother reading?
If it's a good book, I'm upset when it's over and sulk around the house looking for something else good to read.

When I finish a good book I am in a vulnerable state. I will take any book endorsement and read.
"Here read this," a friend suggests. "It's about people who love each other and their love shines on even though they are zombies vagrants in the harsh modern city of San Jose. Everything is solved when a flying yellow cat in a turban swoops down and solves everyone problems. plus there is a huge section in the middle about Napoleon and his wars."
If I don't like the book I can never be friends with that person again.

Please send me recommendations I have to many birthdays to remember.

nude beach

2009-09-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

We live in the upstairs of a house. Adia loves to walk down the front steps and play at the landing. There is a little window right at her height and she likes to line up her toys on the window sill.

"I going to the beach," said Adia.
"Okay," I reply.

Adia walks down our front steps.
I don't here her playing down there. I run down there and find a trail of clothes ending with her diaper and a naked child is running around outside.

To open our door we use the deadbolt since it doesn't stay shut when it isn't locked.
Spencer must have unlocked the door for our friend this morning.

It was magical

2009-09-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

I did meet that unicorn.

It's been hard to write with Spencer sick, Adia being a fountain of vomit and me not feeling well myself. So here is a quick rundown of some thoughts...

Spencer asked me which historical figure I would like to be. My good girl standard church answer was Jesus but the crucifixion was a real deal breaker. My final choice is Tycho Brahe. He's smart and wealthy, plus the gold nose, midget and alcoholic moose help.

So rugby was scandalized last week when Tom Williams did a horrible job of faking a blood injury. Rugby is a sport where it is very difficult not to cheat. The rules of rugby are very complex they read something like, 'A player must always pass forward unless the moon is waning and a marshmallow within a two feet radius of the field.'
The rule pertaining to Williams is, if a player is taken off the field but it turns out is not injured the only way he can return is if a player on his team starts bleeding, something about appeasing the rugby demons or something. So Williams took a fake blood tablet from a joke shop.

All Williams had to do is play rugby and there would have been blood sooner of later. If he really wanted to speed it up so bad he could have blown a kiss at the biggest opponent on the opposing team.

22% organic

2009-08-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

I really want to go hiking to a waterfall tomorrow. If you are at a waterfall you have a 49% chance of seeing a unicorn. (There is also a 20% chance of seeing a werewolf.)

(Here in the Northwest, there is a 20% chance there will be a moody lesbian Vampire.)

I think I will be staying home with Adia, who is sick. There is 76% change of boredom. At least there is a 31% chance that in her sickness she will watch the Iron Giant. Like most little girls, she gets excited over robots.

It will be sad when Adia turns 4 and can tell us whatever she wants. The movies will be 100% chance of being something heinous like a talking dog movie or something else unbearable.

Sticks for Christmas

2009-08-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

Adia told me she is writing her ABC's. She showed me her picture and pointed to the letters saying. B, F, R, Y, M and WIt's pretty funny that she doesn't try to draw a mermaid or cat. Just letters.

Kids are okay, I guess. But what would make them really awesome would be if they ate bugs and it didn't hurt them. Infants would be hunting down plump little ants and crunchy-on-the-outside, squishy-on-the-inside spiders. Once they turn 10 or so they would grow out of the bug eating and become a typical adult.

(Recently there have been a massive immigration of bugs into my apartment. They really freak me out. I have found centipedes!)

Babies hunting spiders would make for some AWFUL Spiderman villains. Spiderman would be taunting mutated children as he beat them up. Baby Spice would be a lot freakier and would be sucking on grubs and not chupa chupa lollipops.

Adia told me this stick was a Giraffe.

If anyone plans on getting Adia a gift this Christmas just send sticks.

Space adventure

2009-08-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

I must have fallen asleep there....

I've been riding my bike pretty frequently here in B-ham, and I am newly fascinated with the inventor of the bike. Did they not have genitals?

Spencer and I rode our bikes on a trail lining the coast. We got to a bridge that was pretty high over the Sound. A group of kids were jumping off the bridge. It looked like fun, and since everyone was doing it Spencer and I took a turn jumping off. So yes, mom when all the kids were jumping off a bridge I did too.

I jumped after Spencer. He held Adia while she screamed "NO! MOMMY NO!" When Spencer jumped she didn't even say goodbye.

Spencer had his 29th birthday, which we celebrated as a tea party in the park.

And Adia found some fairy homes.

epic fail

2009-05-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

One of the big flaws of children, besides the fact that their mouths are constantly making noise and their lack of artistic ability, is that they cannot finish half a cup of juice. I could waste any child in a juice drinking contest.

They are watching me

2009-05-18T07:55:00.000-07:00

One thing my family agrees on is cats = happiness. Except big sister she believes that everyone should love a tiny dog with a smashed in face that snorts and constantly licks. Big sis's love of disgusting pugs is probably why this story happened:

My mother, like a mad scientist, likes to experiment on human subjects. Mom gave big sis some tea before a grocery store trip. My sister gulped it down. They arrived at the store and big sis said, "I'm not feeling too well. I am going to bathroom."

Big sister was in the bathroom by the time the shopping was over. Mom went to look for her in there.

Big Sis: Mom *sniff* I think I'm dying
Mom: Oh ha ha ha! You're not dying it's just the tea!
Big sis: What?
Mom: The laxative tea works.

questionable art

2009-05-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

I went to a children art walk, all pictures were drawn by children.
It was fun to look at portraits of potato people.
This one is a bit confusing. It looks like kid drew a girl flashing me.

Sorry I'll get better about posting.
And I was posting the 21 random things about me but it was boring.

it came from the heavens

2009-04-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

A missionary I know had to get an operation on his foot. He had some crazy growth and after surgery the doctors still don't know what it was. I think it's the blob from Kolob.

Nobody copy. I'm writing a movie about it.

Mickey is my tour guide

2009-03-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

There are many ways to get travel companions. You could go to craigslist. You could do a study abroad, or go with a church.

Did you ever consider a Disney Adventure?

The tag-line which fills me with rage is "A medieval town filled with stories--not tourists."

Where is Disney taking you? Are you in the kitchens? Maybe Disney has you dressing the actors at the Globe? Because I can think of a lot of things you would miss by not being where the tourists go.

When people talk about their vacations they frequently will add, "We saw the real ____. We didn't go where the tourists went."
Then what did you see? It wasn't the Preikestolen Rock, The Louvre or The Roman Colosseum.

Maybe Disney just takes you to these places at 2am.

Dirty looks and dirty mouths

2009-03-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

I try to keep Adia quite during church by drawing pictures. She thought I was drawing a fox, a word which she cannot properly say.
"f***!" she screams in the back of church. F***, f***!"

Funny fox fact:
When my friend was little she had a major crush on the Disney Robin Hood fox. She thought since they both had red hair that there was a good chance on making it work.

Sticks and stones

2009-03-02T22:08:00.001-08:00

A week ago Adia was helping me push the shopping cart. We get stopped by little old ladies all the time. One lol (or little old lady) smiled down at Adia and exclaimed, "Look at the little twit!"

Adia smiled.

Apparently I live in the slums. My car was broken into and 15 pennies were stolen. They left my cell phone and my rings.

EEEIIIHHHH!!!!!

2009-02-27T21:40:00.000-08:00

Spencer and I go on a nice long walk late at night. We are halfway down the cross walk when, a rat runs from the sidewalk towards us, runs up the side of the stroller, jumps down and runs away.

My ninja skills do not kick in and I helplessly run in place and scream.

I wonder what the car waiting at the crosswalk thought of me, because I doubt he saw the rat.

Earlier today Adia was at her cousin's house jumping up and down on the couch. She fell off and laid a goose egg on her forehead. I called the doctor panicked.

It would have looked so bad if I called 5 hours later to say a rat bit her face...

where is that dvd about poop?

2009-02-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

I got a dvd for Adia about using a toilet. It starts with a lifeless British voice over:
"This is Jake. Jake has three special friends that live in his pocket."

The camera zooms on on the animated boys pants and inside the pocket at three snails, Gordan, Dale and Buttons.

I wish I could have been at the planning meeting for this show.

guy1: We've got to get kids interested in potties. How do we go about this?
guy2: We need a mascot some fun animal...
guy1: Something cuddly like a rabbit or exciting like a dinosaur?
guy2: ...or like a SNAIL!
guy1: Oh brilliant! yeah kids these days love snails. I mean what could be more exciting than snails.
guy2: And the snails live in pockets!
guy1: So they don't have shells right cause that's where snails live.
guy2: No, they still have them it's where they keep magic things like a potty map and a camera to take pictures! Pocket Snails, kids are gonna freak.

And Adia did. I catch her making up songs about them.

And in more British news, I'm adding a link to my favorite podcast (2nd is Radiolab) I run through the house and fall over giggling when I see my itunes has downloaded a new episode.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/us_elections/the_bugle/article5675321.ece

(here is radio lab if you want it http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/)

cough cough

2009-02-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

I am really sick right now. Last night I woke up feverish and groggy needing to pee. I look down at my legs which are fused together like a penguin body, that's not the part that freaks me out. I was frightened by the fact that I had two feet. "What am I suppose to do with two feet! I can't walk with two feet. I guess I will just not go to the bathroom."

In January Spencer had an operation that told him nothing was wrong. After insurance took out what they are willing to pay we are left with $600 to pay. $600 dollars worth of nothing is wrong. At least we could have gotten some stickers with it.

Rodents are fuzzy

2009-02-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

I'm going to set a rule for everyone to follow, unless the recipient is your own child. Do not give an animal as a gift. My friend was given a gimp guinea pig for her birthday. Although she hated her pet, she took care of it the best she could until the pet died.

On the other side of the world almost ten years later a little girl writes to her beloved Russian president for a guinea pig. The president's goons find her at her school and yell at her, then they yell at her parents.

The tragic story does have a happy ending. The little Russian girl got the rodent of her dreams plus another when parents told the media.

Maybe we should all watch the hamster dance (they are the smaller versions of guinea pigs, right?) and remember our freedoms, not the ability to simply buy stinky pets at the store, but the ability to turn this tragedy into a Lifetime movie.

The Russian girl may never get a movie.

Collapsible bones

2009-02-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

After being 10 minutes in the grocery store, Adia loses it. She wants to touch everything, especially the pretty glass bottles. I try to grab her arm but she goes completely limp.

It's so sudden. Like her skeleton is an illusion and she is filled with pudding. Since I am not grabbing her arm hard she falls to the ground and cries from the shock that gravity would pull her to the earth once her body returned to the pudding state.

So everyone hears "Adia come here," and sees a child sprawled and crying on the floor. This would be normal in Montana or Wal-mart but here Adia and I look completely dysfunctional.

Adia did this four times today in Haggen's.

All is forgiven because when she came home she wanted to dress as an octopus. She's totally my child and she rocks.

Also I think I should market a doll filled with pudding.

random thing #3- The job I really want is to illustrate comic books. That would be my top professional choice.

SOOOOOO cool

2009-02-03T20:14:00.000-08:00

I've posted before about my grade school dream of being popular.
In the 3rd grade I had a Looney Tunes shirt. One boy stopped to read it.

"So cool," he read.

"It's says SCHOOL!" I yelled. "SCCCHHOOOOLLL." I drag my finger across the letters to emphasize further my disgust with his reading ability.

My friend and I (because cools girls can't function without minions) walked away laughing.

I got home feeling troubled, not by my behavior but by the very confused look the boy had on his face. I pulled off my shirt and read 'so cool.' I was horrified, not with how I treated him, I was embarrassed for being wrong.

Random thing about me #2 I make up songs about red lights, mermaids or toasters. I mainly like to make up jingles. Spencer's favorite is a song about a removable pony leg called "magic pony leg appear!"

She'll be moving out soon

2009-01-29T15:34:00.000-08:00

My job as a parent is complete. Adia can identify Jesus and Spiderman, now she knows who she can turn to for help.

A friend tagged me on FaceBook, asking me to list twenty-five random things about myself. Since my attention span does not last long enough to read twenty-five things, let alone write them, I will write one at a time.

#1. I am terrified of spinal cords. I am disgusted that there is one inside of me, hanging out like he doesn't know what he is.

Give Ra Blood

2009-01-26T20:41:00.001-08:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/cartoon/article5562306.ece

My English teacher, Mrs. Seltzer, was retiring my senior year of high school. It made for the best year any senior could ask for. My friends Tony, Tyler and Lauren did a presentation that consisted of throwing candy out to the class and playing hangman with imaginary words. They received an A. Tony did a presentation on talking dog movies (will talk about later) and he received an A.

Most of the time we watched movies. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory kind of movies. Not anything educational.

The only person ever disciplined was me.

I asked Tyler if he would go to prom with me since my boyfriend and I broke up. I wanted to go with someone I knew I would have fun with. Tyler said yes. I told my friend Kiley and she got this confused look on her face and said, "He's going with me. We've been making our outfits all year." (The did the duct tape prom thing)

Tyler never did tell me that he was going with anyone else.

Tyler asked me to put his hair in dreadlocks over the weekend, I was really excited, but the next day he walked into class with them already in--put in by another girl. After having him cheating on me again, I stood up, pointed at him and yelled, "You deadlock whore!"

Mrs. Seltzer sent me out to the hall.

The banshee of Disney

2009-01-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

Adia loves mermaids. She wakes up shouting "Mommy mermaid."

If I ask her who she is on the cell phone with it's "mermaid." She wears a mermaid dress during the day and eats off mermaid dishes.

If I need to get some major things done I search mermaid on youtube and play "under the sea" for her.

I was kneading bread when I hear the most awful screeching. It was as if scuttle the seagul finally had a solo. I looked at my poor child, She had her fingers as far down her ear canal as she could cram them. The sound was horrible, but she still didn't want to take her eyes off the mermaid clips.

I don't need to say that the Disney corporation has no quality standard. There are the many horrific, almost mythical beasts it has spawned. I have discovered the one they call Miss Tisdale.

First you swing your hips

2009-01-20T13:30:00.000-08:00

My grandma has always been hard on my older sister. When at 13 my sister wanted to walk to the main street of Eureka Montana my grandma put her foot down, "First you're gonna start swinging your hips, then your gonna say 'Come on boys! Come and get me!'"

It went a little far when my grandma stayed with us over a summer. At breakfast my grandma announced to big sis "One of your little customers showed up last night." A boy who had a crush on my sister had tried to talk to her but, too scared to call he knocked on her window. Which was then opened my by grandmother. He ran.

The boy looked like Archie from Riverdale and was about as innocent as Archie. Big sis was also an unlikely candidate for pr-teen fornication. In middle school my sister was slightly chubby, and painted sunflowers on everything in her room including the alarm clock and mini rocking chair which sat two teddy bears.

I've never figured out what grandma was holding against my sister. I have to think more about my grandma accusing big sis of immorality.

I think I'm the villain

2009-01-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

I just heard Adia saying "Mama badda coka
babt mama mermaid mama." I looked over and saw that she found this old Wonder Woman comic. I wonder if I'm the villain since she is blond.

Last night Adia rushed into the kitchen on her stubby legs and threw something away. She hurried out with such intensity that I knew she was up to something. I walked after her (she makes more motion than movement when she runs).

Adia was caught brown handed with chocolate. I made her ask for it before she could eat it. It seemed mean to take it away when she had risked all to throw away the wrapper.

R0B07 3|\|91|\|3

2009-01-13T10:07:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that a giant robot was destroying the town by bouncing a red ball into buildings.
This girl rushed to grab the ball and hide it from him. "NO!" I shouted. "He'll kill you!"
"He won't," she responded. "I'm too pretty."
The robot grabbed the ball and threw it at her she lived but was no longer pretty.
Robots do not care for human ideals.

Short story about duct tape

2008-12-30T23:12:00.000-08:00

I ran out of contacts and my glasses were just snapped in half. Duct tape is holding my glasses together.
My car broke down in Canada. Duct tape is holding my car together.

If Adia cracks her skull I will post pictures of her with duct tape on her head.

Under the Sea

2008-12-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

The only camera I have is on my computer. (I had a digital one, but Adia + sand + camera = broken. ) So Adia was being adorable in the bath and looking so clean and rosy that I wanted to take a picture I drew it instead. I'm going to pull out some of my acrylics for Adia's next birthday.

Adia <3 mermaids. There's a story I read her at night about fairies combing mermaids hair. When we get to that page, we have to stop and talk about the mermaids. And the baby mermaids. And the bubbles. And the mermaids, and the mermaids, and the mermaids...

It's gotten out of hand. I showed her "Under the Sea" and "Part of Your World" and now whenever I say "Under the Sea," she echoes me. She has a newly discovered love of her garage sale $1.00 Ariel heels.

Yeah, mermaids wear high heels, trust me.

So here is my guilty pleasure.

The Little Mermaid was my first Disney movie experience. Like the rest of my peers, there was nothing I wanted more than to be a mermaid and to sing. I would have sold my parents for it. My older sis and I would have competitions on who sang more like Ariel. My brother (our judge) would declare one the winner. The loser would physically attack the winner and the competition would have to start all over again.

I am finally Ariel. I get to sing these songs to Adia (with my high pitched lisping voice) and she looked at me with her big brown eyes that say, "You sing like Ariel, mommy."

99 bottles

2008-12-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

So I've had a rough week and it's the weekend so I'm going to drown my sorrows in a bottle.
I love carbonated water. My $1.27 addiction.

Flavored pop is for weak lazy babies who need to have a delicious taste presented to them. They need their cola to jump on their tongue shouting "I'm a cola! Aren't I awesome?" These babies probably have allergies to wheat and the color yellow just so that they can avoid eating oatmeal. Well guess what, Spencer, they make gluten free oats now.
Man this is some strong stuff.
hmmm...... *reading bottle ingredients*
...carbonated mineral water... Natural lemon flavor!?!

I need to buy another bottle, and see the bishop.

tough crowd tonight

2008-12-03T21:59:00.000-08:00

I'm sure everyone has something they want to be complimented on.
I always wanted a guy to gaze into my eyes and say, "Chrissy, you are the funnies girl in the world."

I can't get Spencer to laugh at my jokes.

"Urrg! Why haven't you thrown away the pictures of your innards! everytime I look on your desk they are staring at me unashamed."
I figured telling him that his medical pictures should be ashamed at their nakedness would make him laugh but no.

Finally one day I gave up and entered "poop" wherever I could. he now laughs without fail.

doing great at pitying myself

2008-12-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

My grandparents had 13 kids. It was my grandpa's goal in life was to have over 100 grandkids. Though my relatives multiplied like rabbits 100 was not reached, but there are a lot of us. I decided tonight that I would actually comment on some of their blogs though I doubt half of them would know what I am. Sadly with it being 3 am I managed a lot of "cute's" with exclamation points.

Sorry about that.

Not sure if it's Bellingham, or me, but I get a lot of people yelling at me. Today I was called several naughties for dropping off a package in the post office drop box. The man was upset that I didn't wait in line to have a mailman take my package. When a customer tried to explain that I was in the right, he started swearing louder. I'm so glad I don't work at the post office in December.
I actually get this a lot.
Overhearing me talk to my sister a guy said I sound like a duck, another eavesdropper said I have no taste in music, and a couple of times recently I have have guys tell me that my boobs aren't big enough.
I must have a sign around my neck that says,
"Please tell me what you don't like about me because for you, I will change. Seriously your opinion matters to me. because you, man with mullet, mother dressed in daughter's clothes, or gay man with secret crush on my husband who puts me down whenever he sees me, I am helpless without you."
Though I'll put up with the crazies if it means I get to live next to this.

Now I better cough up some more blood.

oh and I forgot to post, Spencer has a flash story published go read it for free here.
http://www.flashquake.org/nonfiction/how-to-tell.html

I'll aleep when Adia gets up

2008-12-02T02:25:00.000-08:00

My grandma made me a quilt ten years ago. When she made quilts she would get all her fabric from bargain bins. This one has Frankenstein heads all over it, it's my favorite.

next best thing

2008-11-30T12:35:00.001-08:00

My computers camera told me that if my life was a comic book it would look like this.
One thing I am thankful for is that my family has never held the tradition of going around the table and saying what we are thankful of. I feel like I need to state the obvious, I'm thankful for child, husband, family, my computer...

While I home I heard an argument with lil sis and my mom...
mom: I need you to do some chores when you get home from scho-

lil sis: (livid that my mom would ask such a thing) Do you think I'm going to want to do chores after I've been at boring school all day?

High school is rough.

I got my hair fixed. The stylist blended the chop into layers. I feel pretty like a wedding cake!

you and who's toothbrush

2008-11-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

I was brushing my teeth after Spencer had put Adia to bed.
Here is a picture of me.
Anyway while I brushed my teeth I noticed Adia's toothbrush out on the counter after Spencer told me he couldn't find Adia's toothbrush. What is he talking about, I thought, it's right next to mine.....

Wait a minute....

Which one am I using?

I know this has happened to me a lot.

WARNING may contain swears

2008-11-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

In hish school I had this annoying little rhyme my cousin and I would do. I would ask, "What's up, buttercup?" The usual response was "not a lot apricot."
Every time I asked my friend Tony, "what's up, buttercup?" his response was, "not a lot ass face."

dancing with my self.....so lonely

2008-11-17T15:53:00.000-08:00

Adia is 100% girl. I tried to get her brown boots, she would have none of it. She wanted bright pink with fur trim.

My friend showed up with a ballerina costume and shoes. Adia is in love.
WARNING: The video is loud!

nightmares

2008-11-16T16:24:00.000-08:00

Big Sis: Chrissssiieee?
Me: What!
Big Sis: Can you sleep with me?
Me: No!
Big Sis: You can wear anything of mine tomorrow...

Me:...fine.

I had to sleep on the outside so that I would be captured first.
So that is how my my night went up until my sister was in tenth grade. Then my little sister was big enough to protect her and I was no longer needed.

My older sister is terrified of aliens. My siblings and I were obsessed with watching Unsolved Mysteries, which meant that my older sister continued her fear of ET. Although my dad would chase us downstairs to ensure Big Sis would sleep, we would peek through the railings and watch as aliens tormented humble folk with their googly eyes.

Big sis is still afraid of aliens now, mixed with a fear of Ted Bundy.

Me, I'm terrified of spinal cords. Last night I had this creepy dream that I was laying on top of a spinal cord. I woke up sweating and sighed. What a relief. It was only a dream. It wasn't until I woke that I realized it was not a dream and I slept on one all night. Gah, it creeps me out there is one inside me.

hoop dreams

2008-11-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

I was hanging out with my cousin Elliot this weekend. At a farmer's market here in Bellingham, I picked up some balls and started juggling.
Elliot: remember when you juggled Uncle Richards billard balls.
Me: no
Elliot: Yeah you did and one hit you in the mouth and you started bleeding.
Me: oh now I remember!

Later that day I hula-hooped longer than anybody in the world. I am full of talent.

we will just be watching a movie today

2008-11-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

Text in movie:
Ode to my hair
When someone says to name my best feature
I say my hair
It's not pristine or full or $30 shampoo
It's usually very messy
I love to curl it
braid it down the back
pig tail braids
my favorite, fishtails
and braiding it around my head
I even like it straight

At 3pm Saturday Nov. 8th
I had it "trimmed"

my beautiful hair, you will be missed

Music:
Samson by Regina Spektor

weight coming off through optimism

2008-11-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

Spencer: Chrissy my belt feels tight! . . . I'm just gonna assume it's muscle.

smack down

2008-11-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

There is this person who through the election have butted heads with.
They are very pro McCain and I like Obama.
So when the election was over I called and told them sorry their candidate lost.
They responded with, "People voted for Obama because he is black."
I've been hitting my head against a wall all morning because of that.

I don't think McCain is evil but if Obama had McCain's past he wouldn't have made it past Hilary.

What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?

What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?

What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe
disfiguring car accident?

What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while
he was still married?

What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain
killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five?(The Keating Five
were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major
political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s
and early 1990s.)

What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?

What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included
discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?

What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on
many occasions, a serious anger management problem?

What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?

What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

Educational Background:

Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in
International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters -journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in
the land as well as our standing in the world.

Hulk knows about music

2008-11-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

I found this beautiful hoodie. Charcoal green with gorgeous stitching. There were more than ten on clearance and this was a Lucky brand (they are normally devoured, especially one on sale.)
Sadly there was a large "Rolling Stones" printed on the back.

"errg," I tell my sister. "Why did they put Rolling Stones on the back? No one listens to them."
"My husband and I love Rolling stones," interrupted a crazy woman. "They are classical music, classic rock. Anyone who doesn't like them doesn't know anything about music."

Had my name been Bruce Banner I would have turned green.

now for a funny story.

My little sister was about three or four when she lovingly carried her goldfish around the house. Her toddling rocked the water and the poor fish soon flopped out onto the floor. Screaming in sheer horror, little sis started stomping on the fish, assuming that water was a drug laced pool which sedated the demon fish who, now on dry land, would seek revenge. The fish did not survive.

NOT DADA

2008-10-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

Last night Spencer held Adia while I was trying to plug something in. Adia cried, "not dada, MAMA!"If anyone wants to make me this toy for Christmas you will forever be my BFF.

I'm trying to get Adia use to the idea that one day we will start toilet training. I showed the sign for toilet, I talk about it and I read her books. The books make me cringe. I hate saying potty, wee wee and poo poo. For some reason every book I've read had the idiotic child putting the "potty" on their head as a hat and ending with the tot triumphantly bringing the beloved "potty" filled with the joyous site of poo poo and wee wee to the parents.

Sadly when it come to the actual training I will probably put the mini toilet in the corner surrounded by newspaper, "Theres the poop bucket, and don't you go bringing it to me."

Trannya Heartblow

2008-10-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

I was babysitting today. The 5 year old wanted to play dress up and she names herself Princess Trannya Heartblow of Wishblow.
It goes along with my 7 year old dream of having a pony named moonshine.

The other day I found my dental floss case broken and Adia licking the ball of floss inside. She's like a puppy with opposable thumbs.

Music

2008-10-17T21:35:00.001-07:00

Could Zooey be any more darling?
I need more music. I'm listening to classics again like Clash but I need something new.
Recently I've been listening to Cold War Kids, Iron and Wine, Spoon, Radiohead and the Frames. These are the same bands I've been listening to for at least two years! I need some new stuff so please post some bands for me to look at or re-visit. (Nothing too hard even Thrice is hard to listen to after a day of whining baby.)

grandma's tats

2008-10-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

I had a dream my grandma who has been senile for almost ten years (Wondering Wanda) lived in a rough Hispanic district in the city. She had tattoos of Link, Megaman, Samus Aran (metroid), and A big one of Princess Peach. I complimented my grandma's tattoos and admired that she waited to get them since they wouldn't fade or wrinkle. The dream ended when my grandma's neighbor cross-dressed as a woman and read bedtime stories to her.

Today Adia picked up Spencer's cookies and threw them on the floor.
"Adia these are sacred!" he tells her. "They are not to be touched by mortal hands."
"How do you eat them?" I ask.
"Angel's feed them to me," he says.

To clarify a couple posts back... Spencer did not work over the summer because he was studying for comps. Spencer and I joked a lot about him being a deadbeat. It paid off he passed his comp. exams hooray Spencer.

Fantasy into reality

2008-10-14T13:26:00.000-07:00

Spencer has been wanting me to dye my hair red. He tells me: "I've always liked red hair and you can call me tiger like Mary Jane calls Spider-Man."
"Maybe you should recreate my fantasy," I tell him. "And provide for us."

oh this is fun

2008-10-12T20:56:00.001-07:00

This was a lot of fun to play
http://www.crappycat.com/

POST 100 and it's AWESOME

2008-10-12T15:36:00.001-07:00

I was studying for my lesson to teach the teenage girls in my class. Suspiciously, the other teacher was sick. I say suspiciously because it was the most ridiculous lesson.
The subject was fine--keep your standards high, don't misbehave, but in the manual there was a list of us vs. them types of examples to share The last of the opposites was Astrology vs. Astronomy, with astronomy being a gospel principle.

I'd like to bear my testimony on the gospel truth of astronomy. I know Galileo was a all into that star stuff and he was really cool. For all of you that have dappled in astrology there is still hope you may come back.

(The lesson went fine. I ended up talking a lot about using Christ as a standard for loving everyone, but the next time I look up in the sky and see Leo I'll be calling my bishop.)

I like paperclips Gladys

2008-10-10T10:34:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when I am mad at Spencer I want to post about it so I can get responses like,

"You poor girl. I want to vomit I am so annoyed with him right now. You are completely justified keep this grudge till he changes everything about himself into the perfect person."

Sometimes when I want to let my frustration out I wait till he is asleep and hit him with a pillow.
Then I giggle and sleep well.
Stupidly once I told him.
Last night I got smacked hard with a pillow to the face.
So to end this pathetic fight I will post some things I like about Spencer.

• Spencer is very passionate about writing and music. I've always liked that he has been very driven.
• Spencer loves food trying new food, especially making food and he does an excellent job at cooking.
• Once as a Valentines day present he organized my closet. His gifts are very thoughtful.
• Spencer likes to be outdoors but also going to plays and orchestras.
• He has big shoulders which make him look all big and strong. I think he is very hot.
• His chin looks like Dudley Do-Right but his smile looks almost demonic.
• Sometimes he will even watch cartoons with me. Isn't he nice!?

You disgust me

2008-10-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

Spencer was feeling guilty about his candy dependency.
" I was just thinking," he told me, "If I could see the mound of candy I've eaten in the last year, I would be so disgusted with myself I might eat less.

"But then I concluded I would probably just eat it again."

Tim Burton

2008-10-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

What do these two have in common?

For the most part Tim Burton's followers are intensely fanatical. It feels wrong to say I like Tim Burton movies because since there are some I didn't like (Mars Attack) and there are some I didn't see (Sweeney Todd), am I poser?
I do enjoy watching Burton movies.
Big fish is one of my favorites so I am very excited to find out that he is making Alice in Wonderland.

Titty Twister

2008-10-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

So PETA asked Ben and Jerry to use breast milk instead of cows. Supposedly. I don't believe it, but when I was breastfeeding last year I thought of what I would name breast milk ice-cream...
It would be called titty twister and there would be chocolate boobs with marshmallow filling.

Talking dirty

2008-10-01T12:00:00.001-07:00

"DON'T DRINK THAT! IT'S ADIA'S. "
I screamed this at Spencer last Sunday when he drank from Adia's water bottle.
It's almost fascinating watching a 1.5 year old drink. The amount of debris that goes back in it almost double what was taken out.
You can swirl the once water and watch the crumbs that almost look like star clusters.
It wasn't until three hours after I finished it did I realize I drank the whole bottle that I warned Spencer about.

Also last Sunday I had a note past to me by one of the girls which only had "poop cheese" written on it.

when is it too far

2008-09-27T23:47:00.000-07:00

My sister invited a couple from her church over for dinner.
After the meal my sister asked if they wanted to start on dessert.
The couple looked at each other.
Wife: well.. we were wondering if we could share a spiritual thought.
They then proceeded with a prepared talk and ended with music they brought on a CD.
"I guess I should have seen it coming," my sister later told me. "When we ate at their house we went around the table saying what we were thankful for. Each one of us said our spouse and our family. I thought about doing a one up and mentioning the church and God..."
"It would only end in blood," I assured my sister.

Head of Skate

2008-09-25T22:18:00.001-07:00

Who wants to see this movie with me, Head of Skate.

No signing!

2008-09-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

So Adia doesn't need a cast. I'm pretty happy but I did want to doodle all over it.
She broke her arm when she fell half way down our stairs. The doctors are amazed at how she won't slow down. I spend the whole time in the waiting rooms chasing her around, which is why they never suspected her to have a broken arm. Only a week later, when I took her in again, did they give her an x-ray.

On the positive side now she will know what an x-ray is when we read alphabet books.

More stories about my study abroad in England.
We went to Oxford where J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and Lewis Carroll lived and wrote. There was a cathedral with stained glass windows depicting scenes from Alice in Wonderland. On the way home I asked a girl what she saw.
"We went shopping. We spent most the time at the Gap."

grrrrrr

2008-09-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

For over a week I've been in the most rotten mood.
If I posted it would be posts like how I really hate people waving.
So in honor of my sour mood I will post about boarding a plane.

Spencer and I were on a study abroad in 2005. Most of the students we went with had never left Utah, so you can imagine the unbridled stupidity that followed. We were in Ireland where they announced that they would be boarding mothers with children first. It was all in English, however, my group pushed past, mothers trying to herd their children while nauseatingly singing "I'm proud to be an American."

The group would do things like invite people into their flat and wash their hair. They would spend more time in the gift shops than the museums. Buy ten or more garish key chains for 4 pounds each, to give to their poor friends and family back home. on crowded tube and metro stations they put their luggage on the seats leaving commuters to stand.
Most of the time I felt like I was following Sesame Street's Twiddle Bugs.
My group is the reason Europeans have a rude stereotype of Americans.

I'm so much better

2008-09-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

I was hanging out with my friend Sara and we were talking about our school experiences. Sara was a complete dork. She liked to wear a cloak, and play rpgs and <3 anything to do with dragons. "I was picked on a lot," she admitted.

"I was kind of a bully, " I told Sara.

"I can see that," she told me.

I was opposite. When I was in the 5th grade there was this girl I picked on so much I made her go home crying nearly everyday. (Years later when I was apologizing the girl told me it was everyday but I think she was exaggerating.)

I wanted nothing more than to be popular and my plan of action at the age of 11 was:
1. Be blond and pretty
2. Make fun of anything that isn't superficial
3. Pick on any girl who is not your BFF
4. Marry a football player right out of high school

My agenda for the 5th grade was to get the other kids not to like this girl. I remember this conversation I had with my BFF:
Me: "You shouldn't like ____ because I don't"
BFF: "Why ? She never did anything to me."

Her response was a slap. I was so embarrassed by my behavior. It was as if she pointed out that I was wearing a fanny-pack and stained sweat pants when I thought I was wearing designer jeans.

I trashed those ideas and did what I wanted. I wore Value Village and Nordstrom, I was in drama, the school newspaper and watched Super Friends with my BFF. I didn't try to put others and myself into a category.

When Spencer asked me to read Super Throne of Dragon Fighting Song by George R.R. Martin, I thought 'okay' when the 5th grader in me screamed "NOOOOO that's a nerd book! You want to be cool! You can still be cool!"

It was a frustrating book. Like crack: very addicting but bad for you cause your baby can starve in their crib while you think 'just a minute kid, Arya has been captured (again)'. I got half way through book 3 and the author just lost it. He killed off two characters which completely throws out some things I was excited to see happen.

I'm done.

The 5th grader in me told me not to read them and I didn't listen.
Tomorrow I'm going to Hollister and can someone please tell me what Gossip Girls is all about cause the 2nd season has started and I think I'm gonna start watching it.

Sorry this post is so long but one more note.
I asked Spencer "Why did you have me read this?! You knew it would just tick me off! I justed wasted so many hours on it."
Spencer: "I just wanted you to understand me."

Biff

2008-08-30T23:11:00.000-07:00

I'm house sitting two cats. One is named Biff who lives in the house and one was dropped off who was only named fatty fat cat out of lack of a better name. I think naming fat cats Garfield must be copyrighted. Biff hates Fatty and this is the conversation I picture them having.

Spencer informs me that this isn't really funny and no one else would probably laugh at it. I'm still laughing and that's good enough.

I still don't have a camera. These pictures are taken with my computer camera. It doesn't do the fat cat justice. This cat is huge.

Stop pestering the birds

2008-08-22T11:02:00.000-07:00

Every playground harbors an behavior insurrectionist. (look I can use big words!)
Like the people who tell children not to chase the birds. I understand overly bulky birds like peacocks , chickens or turkeys who cannot fly well, but what child could hurt a raven or seagull? I'm sure they are annoyed about being chased away from the picnickers, but really, how many times have you seen this? Once there was a boy throwing sand down at the ground. He was fascinated with the rocks that would sink into the sand and some that would bounce. A mother (who only had girls) saw the boy and followed him around saying, "We don't throw dirt."
Well, yes, maybe you don't throw dirt but he does, and he's really enjoying it.

Dream Issue

2008-08-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

So Spencer has been reading to me while I work on craft projects.
He's always wanted me to read George R. R. Martin's, Throne of fire and ice raven song dragon dance. That's not the name, I don't remember it and I don't really care to, because that's not important. Spencer disagrees. He likes to use his superior useless information to ask me things like which movie Admiral Acht-barr is from.
So last night I had a dream that I was a character in the book.
I was a character named Aria. I was trapped with an evil Count.
Hot Pie (a character, not an actual pie, though there needs to be more pastries in my dreams) rides in on a Pegasus and rescues me. I ask the pony "How did you know to rescue me?"
"I am enchanted, " says the talking Pegasus. "A sorceress made it so that I am cut whenever I need to go help someone."
I notice now the scars all over the horse's back. "Which one is from me?" I ask.
"Which one looks the most painful?" the Pegasus responds
I notice a gash with lemon wedges stuck inside and figure that one must be mine.
I totally didn't care, Phfft, walk it off talking pony-bird.

Food Post

2008-08-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

I was reading in the other room, Adia came up to me with a big smile holding her hands out for me to receive what she held. She wiped her vomit into my hands, smiled and walked out.
I didn't know she had thrown up and it was really gross thst she wanted to share.
This morning Spencer caught Adia feeding her breakfast to her doll.

pepe

2008-08-12T21:05:00.001-07:00

Somehow my grandma managed to get a hold of the ugliest doll in the world. he looks like poop with white pants. More specifically like a rejected E.T. doll dipped in gloss. He use to have a sombrero but that was lost in the move.

When my grandma was put into a nursing home my dad found it amongst her many dolls she would fix up and give to "the poor kids." I put that in quotations because that is how she worded it.
My dad and lil sis have a tradition of placing the doll in where the other will unfortunately find it, In my dad's top drawer or on lil sis's night stand watching her as she sleeps.
Each morning while I've been staying at my parent's house my baby will pick up pepe and give him a hug.

Family photo minus Spencer.

Ear Candy

2008-08-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

Spencer: I hate when I see a movie and the characters are nothing that I pictured.
Me: Yeah like when you read Tyrion in the George R. R. Martin books. You make him with such a whiny voice. I guess that is probably closer to what he would sound like. But I still picture him looking like that sexy dwarf from LotR.
Spencer: Yeah... that worries me. When you think Gimli is hot, I wonder how I compare.

My sister and I went to Kinder Britches today and after buying head bands we found adorable tights that were too much money. After coveting, we gave up and started to leave.
The store owner stopped my sister and handed her a pair. "I went into this business to make people happy," she says. She handed me a pair too.
I can't explain how elated I am. As we were walking away my sister realized she forgot the plastic dress up jewelry she bought at the store. We decided it might be bad taste to go back and ask for it.

Ponies ponies ponies

2008-08-06T16:49:00.000-07:00

squeel! Everyone, we need to get a herd of these going soon!
I haven't been this excited since my own child started walking

No this is more exciting.

words that hurt

2008-08-04T21:58:00.000-07:00

So many problems from words. For instance I thought I wanted to see The Spirit cause Will Eisner is classic but Frank Miller, yuck. I finally saw a trailer and my head hurt the story looks like a lonely middle school kid wrote it.
My dad recently had a problem with words.
My parents and I decided to take a walk to Country Village a tacky farm craft tourist trap in Bothell, so that Adia could see the ducks. There was a little girl with tiger face paint on. My dad points out "Hey look, a Tigger!" Referring to the beloved coffee lovin pooh charter. Instantly my dad cringes on the choice of words. The family who are of African decent, do not smile and my dad is hoping they didn't mishear him, "Um.. nice face paint," he tries to save.

I kissed my cat and I liked it, he got fur all over my chapstick

2008-07-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

I won't read Sandman cause a lot of the art is so bad and I can't finish Tellos cause the writing is so awful. Spencer is hardcore. He will finish collections of X-men in a day that will take me over a week to finish. I read two pages and I get so annoyed with the ridiculous writing that I have to go look up lol cats or decent web comics like scary go round or penny arcade.
I've never been too fond of the X-men it's difficult for people to write groups well. It's all concept and no character. Joss Whedon pulls it off really well each character is independent of each other. It must be all those years writing for television.

When I was first married my sister in law told me that comics books were a phase and that Spencer and I would grow out of it.
If you haven't seen this site before go to it immediately, go to Galleries and look at Examples of Superdickery.

When I was in college I took a class about getting a job and they advised us that we need to be confident.
I tried my new skills at my nest interview. After a series of questions which I do not remember the answers to she came to the final one, "What would you like to change about yourself." I thought a minute, "Nothing," I said smiling "I like the way I am."
I didn't get the job.

I kissed my cat and I liked it

2008-07-23T21:20:00.001-07:00

At church I teach a class for the high school girls.
I try to think back to things in my child hood that would be a good object story; like my brother threw a mouse at me and that's why you shouldn't lie cause it's like the lies are mice and you are forcing them on people who do not want mice/lies on them, or there were the times my brother threw jelly fish at me and that means you shouldn't steal cause those jellyfish did not like to be taken out of their home, or there was a time my brother tickled me till I peed my pants and you shouldn't kill people because their blood will go all over just like pee and they wouldn't like that.

I was thinking about my great grandmother who was a trapeze artist.
.... hmm that's not right. I had never heard anything but I distinctly remember discovering my great grandmother was an acrobat. But my mom's grandma wasn't in the circus, where did that memory come from?
Then I remembered when I was little I was going through my mom's drawer and I found pretty silky lingerie. I figured that it must belong to a beautiful circus performer and since my mom had clothes from her grandma I figured it must belong to her. I ran to my mom and showed her the beautiful costume and asked her if I could wear it. She took it away and I never found it in her stuff again. I figured it was because she didn't want me to run away and join the circus.

2008-07-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

I just lost 7 months worth of photos and my camera broke.
I'm an idiot for not backing it up.

this post may include picket signs

2008-07-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

Here kids this is interesting.

"Little research has been done to understand how investments in girls impact economic growth and the health and
well-being of communities. This lack of data reveals how pervasively girls have been overlooked. For millions
of girls across the developing world, there are no systems to record their birth, their citizenship, or even their identity.
However, the existing research suggests their impact can reach much farther than expected." - The Girl Effect

When women and girls earn income, they reinvest 90 percent of it into their families, as compared to only 30 to 40 percent for a man.
(Phil Borges, with foreword by Madeleine Albright, Women Empowered: Inspiring Change in the Emerging World [New York: Rizzoli, 2007], 13.)

The Girl Effect

Since having a baby I have been pumped full of girl power.
With the problems of sex trafficking growing in the World including the U.S. there needs to be more effort in the worth of a girl's life.
Call me up and I can give you very long lecture.

It's never so simple

2008-07-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Adia didn't want to sleep last night. I've been keeping her up too late the last couple of nights, so last night when I got her ready for bed she cried for a very long time.
I called my mom trying to get assurance that everything is okay.

The doom begins.
mom: did you check her diaper?
me: yep
mom: did you check if there was a rubber band on her arms or legs? That's how our dog lost half his ear. Once there was a baby who wrapped a piece of hair around her finger until all the circulation was stopped.
me: that's all right, she stopped crying
mom: Well go check on her! babies can suffocate on blankets and toys!

I would just laugh this off but it does seem like babies have a death wish. I hear so many horror stories from other moms. I try not to let them get to me, I'm already paranoid enough.

Happy Fourth

2008-07-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

Muppets celebrate the fourth.

My spanking arm is twitching

2008-07-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

No it's not Adia I want to spank, it's the playground brat who shoved her off the stairs. That kid needs a whoopin.
Spencer, Adia and I went to the beach this last weekend. I realized while I was there that I got my swimsuit when I was a senior in high school 6 years ago. I was pretty uncomfortable with that thought and I allowed myself to buy something without feeling guilty.
I was searching on websites and I found this picture.

This picture is a little unsettling to me it just doesn't seem right the body looks 2d with some shines thrown in like some badly photoshopped putty. The girl's left leg especially looks trimmed.
But maybe I'm just fat.

This just picture gives me the shutters.

Every one has one

2008-06-25T22:41:00.000-07:00

Adia looks more like her dad each day.
Speaking on family I haven't posted since I've had my family in town.
Lil sis and little sister were leaving, "Don't forget your toothbrushes!" I told them.
Later Spencer and I went to brush our teeth.
Me: Look Spencer, I told them to grab their toothbrushes and they forgot them!
Spencer: eh, looks like they took mine.
Me: Spencer it has to be around here. (I start to look) They took mine too!

The Donald Duck in me wants to get mad but I'm too confused. It's not like any of the toothbrushes looked alike, one was electric.
Their teeth better sparkle with freshly stolen power.

Sweded

2008-06-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

I finally got to see Be kind rewind, I had been wanting to see that for a really long time.
Two weekends ago Spencer wanted to rent X-men two, I wanted to watch Be kind rewind it wasn't out to video yet.
I was only in the mood for a comedy so I wouldn't give in.
Spencer searched online for a pirated X-men to watch alone.

Instead, Spencer found this:
X-men made by Filipino kids
And here is another one

So we both won, he got a sweded X-Men movie.

Oh please go check out the website for the BKR movie it's great. They remake the internet

you can make a difference

2008-06-17T10:24:00.001-07:00

Spencer hasn't shaved in three weeks and I know what he is doing.
Every Summer he has tried to grow a beard. He won't tell me cause I will protest with pickets. I don't know if you can tell from this picture but he CAN'T grow facial hair.
There are significantly large and frequent bald patches which make him look like a 15 year old who thinks he can pass for 18.
Genetics has banned him and his immediate family from accomplishing this.
Not being able to grow a luscious man-beard has made them fight the harder for this.
They color in and comb over I am not fond of this tradition and I'm stamping his dream here, it's not happening.

Please, email Spencer and tell him to shave.
I've tried to just do it my self but he runs away from me.

ETERNITY................

2008-06-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

Spencer: Du dun don dabble diddle diddle dee.
Me: Stop that it's annoying
Spencer: dun dun. How do I make this noise? I'm not even a fiddle.

This is something I deal with regularly.

When my church asked me to teach the girl 16-18 I thought they had the wrong idea. "Are you sure you don't mean 6-8 ?"

After several months I am positive they must have the wrong person. We had a meeting to discuss decorating a bulletin board. (Arrrgh and they wonder why the boys have better turnout to activities) I said unicorns. And in my defense if you do a google image search of unicorns it promises some hilarious entertainment.

It seemed like my ideas were not what they were looking for which is totally fine I just think I was probably in the wrong place. Oh well I get to teach them all my false doctrines on Sundays. This Sunday my lesson is about how turtles use to do baptisms for the dead and the temple is where we play naked basketball.

P.S. I had a friend who really thought that's why people had to have a recommendation to go the temple, cause we play naked basketball.

and that's where babies come from

2008-06-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

I went to the park today and a little boy around 5 or six came over to Adia to show her a ladybug he found.
I saw an ash grey ladybug nearby which I thought was a baby. Turns out real baby ladybugs are scary monsters.
"That's not a baby!" the kid tells me. "Ladybugs are first eggs then they turn into a caterpillars and then they get a clitoris ..."
I tried really hard not to laugh.